A Passing Dream
by shirayume
Summary: Hisana died in the real world and went to Soul Society. There she lived through the pain, the guilt and the romance. ByakuyaxHisana Completed. [Wee! balloons and streamers.]
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I was wrapped in a thin fabric; you might call a coat under the freezing rain pouring from above. A tiny wail came from the child in my arms, soaking wet and pink with rash. It was late autumn in Japan and the weather gave out a wafting earthy odor of a bad omen. This frail girl looked at the puddles of water on the ground. They reflected my small frame, my purple and sad eyes, my pale skin and my black hair, dripping with rain. my eyes went to the baby that I clutched so dearly. The baby was small, fragile-looking and looked exactly like me. A collection of hairs lay between her eyes and the rest of her hair was starting to curve down on the side of her face. She also had a pair of purple eyes.

"Rukia...don't cry, Rukia," I whispered, half reassuring and half crying. I looked up from my little sister in my arms to the window in a small house not far from where I was standing. The window had a yellow aura, an unwelcoming one. Rukia was only a few months old and I myself was only about twelve. Our mother and father, how I remembered, loved us and cherished their daughters ever since birth, but suddenly everything had changed.

It happened a month before that late autumn rain. Rukia was sleeping in my carriage and I was reading a book in a small wooden chair. Nothing about that day seemed abnormal and all was well. My father came back from work that day a bit later than usual, but that didn't matter, and he proceeded in reading a book of his own. Everything...was normal. Rukia was napping, my father and I were reading and my mother was out grocery shopping. The weather was nice and cool breezes came every now and then. There was peace, but then a phone call arrived for my father.

"Hello?...Yes I am...Why?...Wait, what happened?...Are you kidding me!...I'll be right there!"

There was panic in his voice that was usually calm. I looked up from my book and saw him getting ready to go outside. I wanted to ask him what's wrong, but he grabbed my arm before my lips even moved and he took Rukia with his other arm. The breeze just then picked up and the leaves blew right into my face. Rukia started to turn in her sleep and worriedly, I tried to ask my father again.

"What's the matter, papa?"

We picked up pace and I couldn't help but run because of his large steps. All I heard from my dad were soft whispers.

"Hisana, everything's alright. Everything will be alright."

"Alright? What happened?"

Rukia opened her eyes and my father handed her to me to hold. I looked forward and saw a hospital building, right across the street. The only thing that came to my mind then was that something had to be wrong. Someone was hurt, and that someone I found out later, was my mom.

The hospital smelt of death and anguish. Many nurses walked by with hard to read expressions on their faces. It was somewhere between bordeom and sadness. A nurse instructed us to go to the fifth floor. That's where all patients with critical status were kept. We went to room 533 and when we went in, we saw a motionless figure on a bed. Needles and tubes were in her skin and a breathing mask covered her mouth. Instead of the pretty light brown dress she wore this morning, she wore a blank white hospital dress. My mom didn't move when we came in the room. From up close, her body seemed paler than normal and her breathing was heavy. Her hair was messed up and it lost its beautiful shine that I admired ever since I could remember. I touched her hand and she shivered. I looked at my father's face for guidance, but I only saw the black head of hair he had and a teardrop that landed on the white sheets.

"Papa..."

The doctor came in just then and he told us that my mom had been in an accident. She was walking to the store as usual and then while she was walking, a drunk driver in a truck had came by and crashed into her. Her body was pinned against a tree and she lost a lot of blood. They were able to attach her body back together and they were able to repair some damages, but there was something wrong. Her spine broke along with the spinal cord inside. She lost control of the nerves in her body. She lost the ability to move her legs and had could make small movement with her arms. I didn't know how to react back then, so I just cried. Dad cried, and Rukia, well she cried with us.

The following week, father had spent all his time in the hospital with mom. Unfortunately, his boss wasn't so happy with his new schedule. This was the same, a week after and he got fired from his job. I wanted to say something about it, but I felt like I had no right to decide whether he should go back or not. I stayed home with Rukia and I took care of her most of the time. Sometimes, dad would come home and he would drink some wine and beer. Sometimes he drank outside and he also developed a bad habit of smoking in front of Rukia. When he did, I would take her outside and I would tell her stories that mom used to tell me. The final weeks that followed were terrible. I was forced to steal money from my father's wallet to buy new food for me and Rukia. It's not like we were wasting his money. He would've spent it on cigarettes and beer anyways. Dad was out more and more until he stopped coming home. I thought that he went to see mom some more, but I was wrong. I found out later that my mom died in the hospital a few days ago. She apparently threw herself out the window with the little strength she had. I was devastated, but I was angry too. Why hadn't dad told me about that eariler? It was because he was drinking all night and day and because he was taking pleasure from other women.

After some weeks he finally did come home in a wreck. His coat hung limply on his shoulders and he was holding a half-empty wine bottle in his hand. In the other hand, he held what looked like a pink bra. As he stumbled across the room, he dropped the bra and I kicked it to the side before following him. He sat at the dinner table where he would usually sit, if he had been going home for dinner everyday.

"Hisana..," he said with a slur in his voice. "What have you been doing at home?"

I stared at him like he was a stranger. That was the first time in weeks that he had spoken to me. Rukia was sleeping in my arms. I looked at a nearby window to see that the rain was gently falling from a dawn sky.

"Dad...I've been taking care of Rukia."

"Good...," he murmured. He leaned against his elbow with his wine bottle in his hand. "And how...how have things been?"

"Umm. Father...,"

"What? You don't call me papa anymore?"

I looked away from his sullen and unclean face. His breath smelled like the slums and ghettos of the street. He laughed to himself and reached for my hair. I backed away and clutched Rukia even closer to my chest. He chuckled again.

"How have you been getting all this food recently?"

I looked at his sagging eyes.

"I got the money from your wallet."

"Did I say you were allowed to go through my things?"

"No, but dad, I have no money of my own. How are we supposed to feed ourselves if we can't buy food?"

Just then, he spat at my toes. I jumped back as I felt a figure tower over me. My father was raging mad. His eyes bulged out of their sockets and a vein was throbbing in his neck. The wine bottle fell and shattered onto the tiles below as his hands turned into two fists. I yelped as he held my shoulders. He started to shake me violently as I screamed louder and louder. Finally, he threw me aside and I buckled to the ground. I was shocked beyond my wildest dreams. Never in my life had my father screamed at me. Even when I was small, even when I broke his favorite watch, even when I got into a fight with one of the girls at school, my father never yelled at me. He never shook me so violently like that. He began to curse and shout.

"That is my money! Do you hear me Hisana! I don't care how you get your goddamn food! You can't go through my things and use my money to get what you want!"

"Dad! How am I supposed to get food!"

"Get a fucking job like me Hisana!"

"You don't have a job!"

He slapped me across my face and tears flew out of my eyes. I tried getting up, but he threw me across the room. Rukia started whimpering and when I saw that, I grew so angry.

"Is this how you treat your daughter! Would mom have hit us like that!"

"You don't know how it fuckin' feels!"

"She maybe was your wife, but she was my mom! We all share the pain! You are so selfish! Mom wouldn't have hit us! She wouldn't stop caring for us. She wouldn't curse at us and especially in front of Rukia! She wouldn't drink and have relationships with other people! What kind of father are you!"

He was about to slap me again, but I ran out of the way. I grabbed the nearest coat I could see and ran out the door. The rain was heavier at that time. I screamed in my mind when I figured out that the coat was only a light jacket. I heard the door slam behind me and bottles crashing on the floor. Rukia now did start to cry. I looked back at the house I lived in for most of my life. I stared at it for quite some time before Rukia's crying got through my skull. I sighed as I walked away from the terror that tormented us. I wished that everything would go back the way it was when Rukia was first born. We would go to the park and we would go sightseeing often. Tears began to leak from my eyes and they streaked my face. Nothing was supposed to happen that day. Everything was supposed to be normal. I was wrong. So very very wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Five months later. It was five months later that these moments would reoccur in my mind yet again. I was thirteen and Rukia was about seven months old. Ever since we left the house that day, we have been living by ourselves. I became accustomed to stealing money from strangers and swiping food off the market. I would steal the clothes that were left out to dry. The only things I didn't steal were toys for Rukia to play with. Children need happiness the most. I usually found them on the street and in the garbage cans. It was a spring morning and on that day, we needed a good breakfast. We hadn't eaten anything for days because truly, I avoided stealing whenever I could.

"Rukia?"

Rukia couldn't walk by herself, but I didn't mind holding her. I felt secure and responsible when I held her little body. Sometimes I would steal while holding her and sometimes I would put her off to the side if I had a lot to carry. It was a sunny morning and the weather was beautiful. Across the street, a vendor was selling fruit. I spotted a few apples that should be enough to feed us for the day. I thought that Rukia should stay out of this, but for some reason, I didn't want to leave her alone today. It was a small amount of food so I decided that I could take Rukia with me. I walked up to the display and stared at them for a while. The vendor was looking at me for some time so I couldn't make my move just yet. I had to wait for someone else to buy something. An old lady approached the man and that's when I reached for an apple. I quickly shoved it into my pocket and looked at the man. He didn't notice. One apple isn't enough. I reached for another one. He didn't notice that time either. I tested my luck after that. I grabbed my third apple and started to walk steadily to the opposite direction. My mind told me not to look back, but I did anyways. The man, the man saw me and I saw something that made me run.

He held a bat, a large wooden one. I picked up pace and began to run with Rukia in my arm and the apples bustling in my pocket. I don't know why I panicked. It wasn't like I was never chased before. It wasn't like I never stole before, but at that time, I was scared. I remembered thinking that I didn't want to live like this anymore. I was setting a bad example for Rukia. I kept running, trying to lose the vendor, but he was persistent. I don't recall how many turns I made or how many roads I crossed. Tears were coming out of my eyes. I was too weak to run anymore. My legs were aching from running so far and for so long. He was still chasing me like no tomorrow. That's when my life changed forever. I was running across the street, panting and sweating like a dog when suddenly, I felt a force that caught me off guard. I slammed into the head of a speeding car. The events that occurred after were a blur to me. I think that the final minutes of my life were drained from me as I lay on the ground. There was blood coming from my mouth and I couldn't move. I reached for Rukia's little hand, but she laid still. I wanted to hear her cry this time. At least, then I knew she was alive. I wanted to hear her scream and wail like she did a year ago, but she didn't. I heard the murmurs of the people standing around me. Their voices were soft and fading away. Memories of my mother came rushing into my thoughts. I smiled. It was ironic, a girl getting her groceries and getting hit by a darn vehicle. I grabbed Rukia's hand and licked my blood off my lip. My eyes were heavy...so I decided to close them.

As I write this memoir, I can't help but think, if I hadn't reached for a third apple, what would've happened?

I expected to see a world of white. I expected clouds and people dressed in white and fluttering like angels. I expected angels. Either that or a fiery pit of torture. I woke up on the streets of a broken down neighborhood. Men and women were dressed in rags and children ran around in their own groups; no parents accompanied them. No one seemed to notice a girl and her sister sitting in the middle of the street. They all would pass by doing their own business. I looked beside me and saw that Rukia was resting next to my bare foot.

"Rukia...I'm so happy to see you alive," I whispered. I picked her up and cradled her into my arms. "Where are we?"

Just then a woman kneeled down beside us. She had sad eyes and thin lips that quivered when she talked.

"Hello there stranger."

"Hello," was the only thing I could say. She looked off into the distance.

"Do you know where you are?"

"No, no I don't."

"District 78, Inuzuri. You're in south Rukongai little girl. You are in Soul Society."

"Rukongai, Soul Society...I am dead, aren't I?"

"Yes," she repilied. "This is where souls of the deceased go. You and your sister were separated from your bodies that now reside in the living world. One more thing about Soul Society. We are separated into Rukongai and Seireitei, the Court of Pure Souls. We are commoners living in the worse of conditions. East, west, north and south Rukongai are each composed of eighty districts. One being the best and eighty being the worse. Since we are in district 78, you can expect life to be hard here..."

I didn't know what to say. I was dead, but living like I was in the real world. I was still holding onto life by strands of hair. I looked up at her figure. She got up from her knees and patted herself down to wipe away the dirt.

"Little girl, do you know why no one stops to help you up from your feet? Do you know why the kids are alone and the men sit on the streets? This life we live here is full of despair. There's crime everywhere and children are like stray dogs. They steal and trick us adults, but they share their rewards. They're probably the only ones who can still cherish another life other than their own."

She started to walk away, but I pulled on her dress. I croaked out one more question.

"Why are you telling me this?"

She stopped and released my grasp. "Because little girl. Souls come and go. Souls wither away and are reborn. Someone must tell these new souls this. Besides, you will be living here for the rest of your life. I might as well tell you your fate."

With that she walked away.

From the start, I was scared. That stranger told me that crime was common here and children depended on stealing like I did in the real world. Although I wanted water and I wanted to live, I didn't want to steal anymore. These children all around me stole and did numerous things to the older men and women, but it was harder here. Since these things happened often, people were more aware about their surroundings and the second they sense the presence of a kid, they would beat you with anything they could find. I was able to supply protection of myself and Rukia, but it was getting harder and harder to do so.

"Hisana! This way!"

"I'm coming Sachiko!" I was carrying a basket of fresh fish from the market, stolen of course. I passed the basket to Sachiko when I got tired of holding both it and Rukia. We ran behind a small hut and stopped to catch our breath.

"Wheres's Kiyoshi?" Sachiko had asked me.

"Look, he's coming this way."

Sachiko was a cheerful girl. No matter what it seemed like she had no worries at all. I met her when I was stealing water from an old man one day. Apparently she was doing the same thing too, so we decided to help each other. That was a month ago. Since then, we've been best of friends. Kiyoshi was a tall handsome boy a little older then both of us. He was quiet most of the time and he only talked when it was necessary. We only recently met him and the only thing we really knew about him was that he hated fishing.

"Look Kiyoshi!" Sachiko laughed. "We don't have to fish today!" She shoved the basket into Kiyo's hands.

"..."

I sat down on the ground and wiped off the sweat on my face with the back of my free hand. Rukia was chewing on a piece of candy that I gave her that morning. She certainly grew since we arrive in Soul Society. Her hair became longer and looked exactly like mine in a strange way.

"So Kiyo-kun, what have you been doing while we busted our butts for the fish?"

He opened his fist to reveal a stalk of cooking herbs. Sachiko jumped happily, but then we heard the screaming of the person who was selling the fish.

"Ah! Hisana, Kiyoshi! Let's go!"

Life in Rukongai was like a game. In order to survive, you must have wits and must be able to play along. We were like pawns in a big world, in a big game. Everyday we would play that game over and over again. Truly the winner was the one who could live till the end. In Seireitei, it was different, but back then, I didn't care. All that mattered was providing everything that Rukia needed. We had finally outrun the chaser and we were now walking and kicking the rocks next to our feet. I stared up at the clouds humming a song my mom used to sing to me. That's when I looked below those fluffy clouds and saw the "wall." The "wall" was the barrier between Rukongai and Seireitei. It stood towering above the districts and was pure white. I always had a tingling sensation in my body whenever I saw that wall. There was also the gate that was blocked by a guardian. This one was the Shuwai Gate.

"Hisana?"

"Oh, yes Sachi. My mind just drifted away, haha."

We all stared at the wall.

"Hisana?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you ever wonder what it's like beyond the gate?"

I looked at her light brown eyes and smiled. "I heard that...you are treated like a noble there. Everything's clean, and you could have almost anything you want..." My voice faded slowly.

"Shinigami."

"Huh?"

"In order to enter the Court of Pure Souls, the Gotei 13, you need to be a shinigami."

She sat down and put a blade of grass between her teeth. Kiyo sat too so I followed her lead. A shinigami was a soul with a certain amount of reiatsu, spirit energy. If you had reiatsu, then you were admitted to apply to the school there. You would go to the Shinigami Academy and train to become a death god for six years. Unfortunately, I didn't think we had any reiatsu, so we were stuck here for life.

I had a dream that night in the children's shack. It was one of the most peculiar dreams I've ever had. I was sitting alone in a garden of flowers and trees. There were petals everywhere, lovely sakura petals. In front of me stood two death planks, stuck in a mound of dirt and flowers. I crawled up to them to look at the names...Kiyoshi and Sachiko. I choked on the saliva that was stuck in the back of my throat.

"Sachi...Kyo-kun?"

The graves faded away and I was surrounded in pitch black darkness. A figure slowly emerged from the ground. It was Rukia, but instead of being a baby, she was a small girl. She bore her dreary eyes upon my face and whispered delicate words.

"Sister, I'm worried."

"Rukia..." My voice trembled slightly.

"It will be soon. Nothing can change that."

"What. What's going to happen?"

Her body started to disappear. I got up and started to run to her, trying to grasp any part of her. I missed her by a centimeter and fell down to the dark abyss.

"Ahh!" I woke up with sweat pouring down my face. My back stuck to my cheap kimono and my arms were shivering.

"Hisana?" Sachiko woke up from my scream and started to pat my forehead with a piece of cloth. I didn't say anything. I just stared at her eyes and thought about my dream. Sachiko...dead? Kyoshi...I looked at him too. He wasn't disturbed by my outcries.

"It's all right Hisana. Dreams are just dreams. Don't worry about it too much now."

I nodded and laid back on the ground. She was right, I told myself. Dreams were just...dreams.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

"Guys?" They told me to meet up with them behind the small shack we lived in. Rukia felt uncomfortable that day so they told me to stay put. They needed to get fresh water. It's funny how we ran out so quickly. A sakura petal flew by. I heard a rustle in the bushes behind me, so I went to greet them. They were not there. Instead, a small boy with freckles on his face was panting with his tongue out. I waited for him to stop panting before I touched his shoulder.

"Um, is there anything wrong?" I recognized him as one of the kids that played with us sometimes from the border of the district.

"Hisana, is that you?"

I nodded. Rukia tried to touch his little freckles, but I held her back.

"Its Sachiko...and Kiyoshi...help them!"

My eyes widened. I grabbed his arm.

"Where, where are they? What happened!"

He pointed to the south and cowardly ran away. I went south like he directed and suddenly I smelt it. I smelt the blood, the twisted scent that lingered in your nose and garments. I came to a clearing and accidentally kicked a broken jar on the ground. It said "mizu". It was a broken water jar. The trails of water lead to a red liquid that tainted the grass and smeared the dirt. Lying on the ground were the bodies of Kiyoshi and Sachiko.

"No!" I ran to their bodies, lifeless and bloody. I tried to shake them awake, but they wouldn't wake. I wouldn't smile and tell me it was a joke. They would never speak of beyond the gate again. I screamed because I knew that they would never come back...

In Rukongai, the adults and the children were different people. We were both humans, but we were never alike. In Inuzuri, the children stole from the adults and the adults punished the children. Sachiko and Kiyoshi were victims. Adults can be so cruel at times like these. I learned from witnesses that they were fetching water from the vendors again. This man, he was cruel. He wanted to punish them, so he would set an example for all minors. Never steal from the adults again. It was either you die from his hands, or you died from thirst, hunger and despair.

Life after that moment got worse as time passed. Usually there was little, but a decent amount of supplies going around. Recently, there had been a wave of death in Rukongai. People were dying. You would think that this would be good for the rest of us because there would be more food, but that wasn't the case. The food got contaminated. Water became poisonous and the wind constantly was filled with dust and debris. No one knew the source of this, but the fact was that the people of Inuzuri were dying and survival became harder and harder. Rukia was still young and I was still only a girl. During this terror, even the children became loners. No one dared to share the things they had. It came as low as adults stealing from children and children stealing amongst themselves. I lived for myself and Rukia. That's what I told myself, but the pain was too great and the burden became heavy on my back.

I was walking on the street, carrying Rukia on my back. The sun was blocked by gusts of sands. I looked to my left and saw the people quietly sitting on the dirt. Some moaned and some slept. They seemed to all want death. I looked forward and resisted sitting down like all of them. I was searching for something, anything that would help me. I felt an enormous force push me down and I landed on my stomach. How long will this last? That's what I was thinking. Rukia turned in her sleep. I took her off my back and held her up towards the sky. Rukia was everything to me, but I couldn't bear her weight.

Abandon...

I wanted to just punch myself for thinking such disgusting thoughts. I didn't know what to do. I glanced at the depressing figures of Inuzuri. I couldn't be like them. Tears ran down my face and I wiped them with my sleeve. I walked to an alley and kneeled down onto the down.

"Rukia. I always loved you. I still love you now," I said. "But I can't..."

I tore a piece of my dress off and with the grime of the wall and the dirt on the floor, I wrote: My name is Rukia.

I attached it to her and patted her hair. Tears kept flowing and I desperately wiped them off.

"I'm so sorry...Rukia!"

With that, I ran away. These tears, they couldn't stop. I couldn't stop sobbing endlessly. From now on, I told myself, that I would live because I had to. Moments and memories will pass me by and I told myself that I would live through all of it.

"Live, Rukia."

I sat on a box in the streets. Some boys were playing nearby and I watched them, having nothing else to do. It calmed me a bit, watching children play. It didn't remind me of the tough times that we had.

"Watch Kenta!" He pushed his open hand forward. A small light appeared in the center after a short while. I became alert when I saw that smaller shimmer of yellow light.

"Wow! Wow!" His friends applauded. I switched my view into my own open hand. Reiatsu...I tried with all my might to make any kind of spark.

"Come on..."

Nothing happened. I only felt a sharp burning sensation on my palm. I sighed, but I decided not to give up hope.

So every day I would practice building up my strength. I tried to exert all my power into my hands. While I did, I would stare at the gate. I mustn't lose the game, I told myself. Spark. Spark, please. No spark...

"Damn."

The morning after training for a few days, I stopped to sit down on the street. I watched a poor vendor trying to sell what was left of his good merchandise. No one had the money to buy it anyways. A moment later, I saw a timid girl hiding behind an empty water barrel. She was tearing and her lips were trembling. I stared at her for some minutes before she dashed forward and tried to grab a small meal from the table. The man caught her by the arm and threw her against the wall.

"Trying to filch from me, you stinkin' bastard!"

"Stop!" I cried. "She's just a girl!"

He pinned her against the wall. I got up and ran a little closer.

"Pff. We don't show mercy to any child. Stealers aren't wanted here. Heck, we are all in poverty. This girl...I wouldn't mind eating her up."

My whole body felt a sensation go up the spine.

"You! You're sick! Please, just stop it!"

He ran for me after he released the girl's neck. I got hold of my neck instead and his fingernails dug into my skin. I could see it in his eyes. He was losing his sense of morality. He was losing to the darkness that collided with Inuzuri. I couldn't breathe when he choked me and squirming didn't help.

"Stop it! Stop it!"

His hold on me was still intense until I felt like passing out. The girl behind him was screaming and crying. My breathing got heavier. Stop it... Stop it.

"Stop it!" I felt a wave of energy got past my arm. It went through my fingertips...and out came a flash of light. It blinded him for a moment and that was when I grabbed the girl and ran for my life.

"So sorry...I'm so very sorry."

I rubbed the area where he pierced with his fingernails. It stung a bit, but it was nothing.

"You should be careful. People won't hesitate to kill children nowadays." I looked up into the sky. "I've learned that already."

She gave me a small smile of gratitude, but suddenly the shadow of a person appeared. I gasped and pulled her next to be, staring at a man dressed in a black shihakushou and carrying a large bag. He looked down at me and the girl beside me.

"What...what do you want?"

He reached inside his bag and pulled out a wooden box. Inside was a small cup of miso soup, rice and bento. I looked at it and then at the man. He wasn't smiling, but he wasn't impatient either. I took the wooden box and gave the soup to the girl. I tasted the food and looked down at the floor.

"You were that girl that blinded the vendor, am I right?"

"I..."

"It's all right. You are not in trouble, though you should be more responsible for your actions."

He gave me a firm stare that made me nod.

"Reiatsu, you've heard of it right?"

"Yes."

"Just then you had a spurt of spirit power. You are gifted with it, I'm sure. I'm now recruiting students to attend the Shinigami Academy. At these times, we think it is best to try to save those that can be of use to us."

"So am I just a pawn?"

"No, but you aren't nobility either. I invite you to attend this year's testing to see if you have enough power to attend the school."

He gave me a white card.

"Do not lose it. The test will be a day after the week from today. When that day comes, present this card to the man situated at the Shuwai Gate. If you are tardy, then we won't give you another chance until next year."

He turned around and walked the opposite direction. I held the card to my eyes and read it over and over again. The girl was drinking the soup quietly in her own little world. I ate some of the rice and emptied the contents of the wooden box into her lap. I left her, only taking the card and box with me. As I walked...a sakura petal flew by and I caught it.

The following week, I walked into the clearing and presented my card to the shinigami standing at the gate. There were some other children around me, whispering quietly amongst their own. The gate slowly opened and I gasped. There wasn't anything like magnificent fountains of sake, or buildings made out of gold, but the impression I had here was entirely different then from Rukongai. Here, everything was peaceful, sincere and favorable. Some shinigami were walking side by side and laughing. A man with silver-white hair smiled and waved at us.

I gave a small wave back.

We headed to a building. It wasn't the academy, but it was something else.

"All applicants will receive a towel and soap."

I blushed. That's what he meant. We weren't in the best condition, I admitted. We really did need to wash. I headed towards an area for women and girls to clean up. It was moderately clean in there, only a few unknown hairs were on the floor. It was refreshing though. I didn't bathe like this since when I was still alive in the real world. The smell of soap and steam soothed my aching body. My body, I was scratched in numerous places and my feet were rough from years of running barefoot. The scars and bruises were from stealing, falling and fighting with the adults. After we cleaned up, we were given new clothes. Mine was a limp blue kimono with a simple pattern of vines and little flower buds. Still, it was better than most of the things I had to wear in Rukongai. We were left in a small building with a day of grace before taking the test.

I was tired from the events that occured that day. Everything was going very fast. Tomorrow I could become a shinigami. I could live a better life and worry less about the dangers of the streets. Though I thought of these wonderful things, a pain struck my soul. There was a lingering ache, a hole in my heart that kept me from feeling happy.

"Rukia."

She still haunted my mind. I got up from the chair I was sitting on to look outside. Some of the other kids were practicing expressing their spirit power. I was amazed by how much their hands lit up. I came downstairs and tried it myself. I tried to think of strong thoughts, but there was no spark. I thought of happier things, but still there was nothing. A girl about my age walked up to me and smiled.

"Having some trouble?"

I felt like she was teasing me, but I hesitated to shout.

"I was like that too. For some people, I think, you need to think of the right thoughts." She released a moderate sized ball of energy. "When I feel pain and when I think of all the things I've been through, I am able to do it. You can try that."

I looked at my hands. Pain, she said. I stretched my hand out and thought of pain. There was the pain of my mother dying, my father deserting us, living on the streets alone, the death of my friends, the weight of living and...the guilt of leaving Rukia. An enormous power came from my hands. My whole body vibrated like never before. The girl beside me fell, covering her eyes with the back of her hand. I stopped the thoughts pouring into my head and helped her up.

"Wow, you're good! What did you think of?"

I looked at her sadly and shook my head. I couldn't tell this stranger the things that I've been through. I put my hand on her shoulder and left to go rest.

The next morning, we lined up to enter the testing room. It was a huge circular room with individual platforms. Teachers were standing patiently next to each platform. I was assigned to a man with a long beard and with small eyeglasses.

"Ms. Hisana, we will test your reiatsu if it meets standards. It is a simple test, really. You will receive three trials."

I nodded and concentrated my energy on my hand. Pain, I thought. What I lost and what I will never have back. A big ball of light sppeared and I smiled. The smile seemed to deflate the orb a little, but the old man continued nodding anyways.

"Wonderful, your levels have been processed and we will notify the board of your score. In the meantime, please, you may take a seat. We will send you back to the applicant quarters until the results come in."

I nodded and wiped a drop of sweat from my forehead. He smiled. I bowed and walked away from the platform. This is it, I told myself. I was going to be a shinigami...

--

1. shihakushou - The japanese name for the clothing that Shinigami wear. It sports a white undershirt, black kimono, a hakama (dresspants) and a white sash.


	4. Chapter 4

Anime/Manga » Bleach » A Passing Dream B s : A A A Author: shirayume Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Reviews: 21 - Published: 03-29-06 - Updated: 04-20-06 id:2867020

Chapter 4

Zanjutsu, Hakuda, Shunpo, and Kidou are the four types of combat for shinigami.They are sword combat, hand-to-hand combat, flash step and spell technique. One must master all these techniques to become a shinigami and specialize in at least one category. When I entered the Shinigami Academy, I was given a new uniform, a training katana and was assigned to Class 1 for the "immense" power I had during the test. I thought it was somewhat a fluke; I found out that I was one of the weakest in Class 1 anyways. I found out that I was good with handling kidou, but I was below average with everyone in everything else.

"Our Spirit Technique institute is an academic institution with a long tradition in creating future secret Mobile Corps and Gotei 13 squad members. Welcome, new students to Class 1. You were all placed here because you all did exemplary in your exams. We expect all of you to pass the graduation exam, six years from now and become shinigami. This is zanjutsu training class. You were all given a training stick when you entered the classroom. These swords are not to use for playing, but used for training."

I looked at the stick. It was really plain; it just had a, hilt and a long "blade" which was the regular pole.

"Our first exercise," he continued, "is learning how to strike a opponent. Get into pairs and use your training equipment."

I paired up with a girl and obtained a regular wooden pole. We weren't allowed to use swords because we were still beginners at it. I got in a fighting stance and focused on the pole of my opponent. Her grip was hard and tense in contrast to my weak hold on my "sword".

"Here I come," she said. I held up my stick as she lunged for me and I tried to block the messy swings she used. I admitted, my reaction wasn't the best and I fell down when she put all her might on one blow.

"Ahhhh!" We both fell down at once. I did because of the strike she gave me and my partner fell because she put all her weight on it. She collapsed on my stomach and rubbed her head. We stared at each other and laughed it off a few seconds later.

"Here."

"Thanks." I reached for her hand and got up.

"Sorry, it's my fault for not controlling my attack," she smiled.

"If I was able to block them right, we wouldn't have fallen anyways. By the way, name's Hisana."

"Hisana? What a pretty name," she reached out for a handshake. "Chan Rena. Pleased to make your acquaintance."

I looked at her gesture. It was strange. This was the first time I shook anyone's hand. Back in Rukongai, we would just make friends with the words in our mouths. I slowly reached for it and gripped it delicately. Her grasp overcame mine and she took our bond with her other hand.

"Your hand is rough. A Rukongai girl are you?"

"Um, yes."

I took a good look at her. Her dark raven hair was up to her shoulders and she had dark brown eyes. Her pale cheeks were lightly flushed with pink and her lips were bright red. She deeply reminded me of Sachiko; not because of her looks, but because of her smile.

"We should be going to next class. I have a friend waiting for me there," she told me.

"Alright."

I watched her back as she walked. Her walk was casual, but she had an air of dignity too, unlike me. I held my arms into my heart like I was folding myself into a cowardly position. People were watching us as she passed. Some stared dumbly and others gave us quick glances in small intervals. She didn't seem to mind.

"Rena, where are you from?"

"Eh? Oh I'm not from Rukongai like you. I'm...Oh good morning sensei!" She looked back at me. "I'm from Seireitei, Hisana. Noble blood."

From that moment, I looked at her from far away. Nobles were among the highest in Soul Society. They had higher spiritual power and were gifted from day one. They were born here and not from the material world. She walked to the back of one of three lines in the room. This was kidou training.

"Group 1, step forward! ...Group 2! Group 3!"

I stepped forward and looked at the small target across the room.

"Ye Lord, mask of blood and flesh! All creation, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of Man, inferno and pandemonium! The sea barrier surges, march on to the south. Way of Destruction number 31, Red Flame Cannon!"

A red ball of light came from my hand and I fired it at the target. It soared through the air and shot off half of the white board. I gasped.

"Great job, Hisana!" A random student shouted from the lines.

I jumped in joy from my excitement, but then heard a sound like a mini explosion. Red light blasted from behind me. A white target board next to mine shattered into small pieces from an immense spell. I looked at the one wielding the power. It was a tall student with hair as dark as Rena's. He wore a strange headpiece and a white cloak. He didn't even seem to be amused by his own skill. He walked back to the end of the line and started reading a book. I glanced back at the board. It was completely gone and steam still rose up from the pole that supported the target.

"Well done Byakuya-sama! I couldn't even reach that target!"

The girl, Rena was talking to him and nudged his shoulder. I wanted to approach him as well to congratulate him, but something inside told me not to go near him. His strong reiatsu held me back and I couldn't see how she could approach him with his fierce spirit energy. He didn't seem to mind her presence and acknowledged her with a nod and a barely noticeable grin.

"Hisana, please step to the back of the line."

"Oh, oh I'm so sorry sensei."

His name was Kuchiki Byakuya, I found out later by another student.

"Did you see that? From when he was a child, everyone thought he would be a great shinigami one day. He got the highest score on the entrance exams and he was given a small assignment from Gotei 13 on his first day! People say he might be the strongest head of the noble Kuchiki clan ever!"

Kuchiki Byakuya. I didn't want to go near him. His eyes were always tense and they showed no emotion. No one dared to talk to him, except for that Rena girl. I admit she was weird, but I guess she had a right to talk to him since they were both nobles, but I felt envious. I wasn't as free spirited as she was, and for that, I was often in my own little world, looking at the unreachable void in front of me.

"Hi-sa-na." I turned to see Rena. She put her hand on my shoulder and gave me a wide grin. "I thought that when I shook your hand, we could be friends. Why do you pretend you don't see me when we are at lunch? You say you have things to tend to, but you use that excuse all of the time."

"Rena..."

"It's lunchtime, and I finally got a hold of you. Byakuya-sama and I are eating under the sakura tree, so why don't you come along?"

"Wait, Kuchiki..."

There he was standing a few feet from us. He didn't say anything as he crossed his arms and looked out the window.

"I'm sorry, I can't right now."

"Hey, hey don't say that. Come!"

She grabbed my arm and we started walking. Kuchiki-dono walked ahead of us. Even though I assumed he was Rena's friend, yet he seemed distant from her and everyone else. It was strange.

"Listen Hisana," she began. "Just because I'm a noble doesn't mean I think you're of less value than me. I'm just as bad as a fighter as you are. So don't think that you should distance yourself from me. We're the same, right?"

"Yes, Rena-san."

"Everyone calls me Chan-chan. Do you know why? Because really, I don't act like a noble is supposed to. I think I should just be myself, even if it is not expected. Hisana, I feel that you want to have a good experience here. You want to make friends and want to talk to people don't you? You should think of what you want, and not what everyone wants."

What I want. In Rukongai, I wanted to selfishly live, even if it meant abandoning Rukia. I wanted to be a shinigami, even if it meant deserting the kids that were stuck in Inuzuri. I looked down. She opened her mouth to say something, but she hesitated.

"Rena," Byakuya called. It was the first time I heard his voice. It was deep and made me shiver inside.

"Oh, we're here," Rena sat down on the grass and started eating her sushi with her bare hands. She was strange. Kuchiki placed a mat on the grass before eating. I felt like I was rude to stand so I sat down next to Rena.

"Oh yea, we're killing dummy hollows next month Byakuya-sama. Hisana, do you want to go as a group with us?"

"I don't think you would want me on your team."

"Is that so? Hey, with Byakuya-sama on our team, he'll kill everything before we get the chance to get hit."

I chuckled. She got up and gave her lunch to me.

"I have to get something. Be right back."

She ran back into the school, leaving me with Byakuya-sama. I didn't know what to say so I continued nibbling on my rice. The wind blew softly and a sakura petal flew by. It landed in my meal, but before I could pick it up, I heard a voice coming from beside me.

"Do you like cherry blossoms?"

"Um yes, actually I like them very much," I answered, bewildered. I never thought that he would actually start a conversation between us.

"I see," he replied. "Rena likes plum blossoms more."

I didn't answer back when he looked at me. It was a strange look. I couldn't tell if he was happy, sad, or anything. It was a look of no emotion. He looked back down at his lunch and continued eating like nothing happened. I couldn't say anything else to him. I didn't know why. Usually, I could make friends great by just speaking about what's on my mind, but now, I decided to stay silent. Rena came running back with her kidou notes and squatted right between us.

--

"Wow, Byakuya, I'm impressed by your grades."

"Feh, little Byakuya, you would at least say thank you or something like that. I'll be leaving the academy soon ya' know. Say something while I'm still here!"

"Shihouin." Byakuya gave the older student a strict look. She didn't seem fazed by it and smiled. She was Shihouin Yoruichi, another one of the Noble Families. She had dark purple hair, a dark skin tone and sharp yellow eyes. It was strange how the nobles knew each other so well...

"My, my little Byakuya, you've gotten a lot meaner since the last time we've talked like this. You should learn something from Rena-chan and get sincerity in your thick skull."

"Shihouin Yoruichi, we'll be leaving now."

"Goodbye, Yoruichi!" Rena waved a little as she walked backwards. I bowed a little and ran off.

--

The gates opened up and a light shined at our faces. It has been a couple of months since I first came to the academy, and honestly, I felt that I still didn't fit it. Rena opened her arms to me in an attempt to make friends, but most of the time, I avoided her. I wasn't a noble, and I felt like I didn't deserve to be around the two, even if Rena was at the same level as I was.

"Please stay in your groups and try not to tackle the hollows alone! This training is mostly about teamwork and strategy. Ok, now we disperse!" A six year shouted out to us.

Rena pulled me forward as Byakuya walked in front. It seemed like he walked slower than others, but he was always ahead of us. Our first dummy hollow appeared behind a wall and attacked us. I saw a back cloth fly right past my eye and a second later, the hollow split in two. Byakuya jumped back onto the ground and put his katana back into his sheath.

"W..Wow."

Another hollow appeared from the shadows.

"O Lord, mask of flesh and bone! All creation, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of Man, truth and temperance! Upon this sinless wall of dreams unleash but slightly the wrath of your claws! Way of Destruction number 33, Blue Fireball!"

A blue ball of energy shot the hollow's mask from my hands and it fell to the ground moaning. Rena slammed her sword between its teeth and it diminished in front of my eyes. She gave me a wide smile and I returned it. Blasting, slashing, blasting, we were destroying a lot of them. Byakuya killed them in one hit while it took us more time. He was always ahead of us, running with sword in hand. We tagged behind, laughing along the way until I saw a small hollow behind a building.

"Rena, do you see that?"

"Oh, a small hollow. Hisana, you can get that one. I have to tell Byakuya-sama that he's going too fast for his own good."

"Alright."

The hollow started to run away. As much as I wanted to kill it, it was quite cute for a hollow. It bounced like a rabbit and its mask was small and round like a small child's face. I laughed at its small cute bird sounds. When it reached a dead end I giggled a little more. Those people would actually make a dummy so small. I swung down my sword and sliced it in half. Now I felt guilty for the little thing. Before I could think of anything more, I heard a blood-curdling scream.

"What?"

People were running away from the direction that Rena went. I went out of the dead end to see a huge black figure in the distance. It was amazing. It towered over everything and wore the hugest mask I've ever seen. It was attacking the buildings and even from the distance i was at, I could see the blood between its teeth. There was pandemonium everywhere and people were crying. I saw an older student with his arm all bloodied. The giant hollow gave out an immense roar.

"What is that?"

A student bumped into me screaming something that I thought sounded like: Menos. I realized that Rena and Byakuya-sama might be in trouble. I wanted to run back for them, but a six year told us to run. I glanced back and forth. What should I do? I decided that I should try and get them out of there. I was probably just too stupid to run for my safety, but I thought, running wasn't the way. I ran from my problems all of my life and I didn't want to continue.

"Rena-chan! Byakuya-sama! Where are you?"

Men and women in white coats scattered the area. They were the captains of the Gotei 13, replying the cry for help sent to the Court of Pure Souls. Off in the distance, I saw bodies on the floor. All of them were bleeding profusely and one of them; I saw had the kenseikan headpiece: the one that Byakuya wore. One of them was on the floor, smashed into pieces.

"Byakuya-sama, Rena!"

She was motionless on the ground, bleeding from a wound on her torso and there was blood coming out from her head and mouth. Byakuya wasn't as badly hurt, but that wasn't much of a difference. He was knocked unconscious with his sword on the floor beside him.

"Someone, please help them!" I screamed.

I held their heads in my arms and cried loudly. I saw a flashback. Sachiko and Kiyoshi came back into my mind. They fell, bloody like this and I was the only one not hurt. Don't die, I screamed in my mind. Don't leave me here. A captain and her vice-captain swooped down and used a healing technique with their hands. My hands shook from my fear so I couldn't even try to help. The captain glanced at me and whispered.

"They are going to be alright. Leave it to us."

The vice captain put Rena on her shoulder and the captain did the same with Byakuya-sama. A shinigami took me by the hand and jumped, carrying me. I looked back to see white coats jump across the sky. Blood came out of the hollow as it screamed like a monster. Those screams terrified me so much.

"Please..." 


	5. Chapter 5

(scenes separated by "--")

Chapter 5.

A number of shinigami and students were killed that day and many others were injured badly. It was fortunate that Rena and Byakuya-sama lived, but while Byakuya returned to the academy, Rena was still hospitalized in a coma. Although Byakuya felt sorrow for Rena, he barely ever visited her. There was something bothering him whenever he passed her room. One day I encountered Byakuya as we walked the halls.

"Kuchiki-sama."

"What happened out there?"

"Rena was being a fool; that was what happened."

I was stunned to her him talk about her in a bad way even after the trauma. Byakuya still had many bandages around his arms, yet he acted like he was unscathed.

"Byakuya-sama?"

"She wanted to be a hero when she couldn't. She thought that she could fend off the Menos like any other hollow, but she was wrong. She had to pay for her mistakes, and this what she got."

"But you feel sad for her, don't you?"

"Sadness, such emotions needn't be expressed at times like these."

"What...?"

"Rena and among other things taught me that."

He passed by me with a simple nod of goodbye. I couldn't believe that a free spirited girl like Rena could teach Byakuya-sama to be emotionless. I looked back at him and frowned. Emotions were needed to enjoy life. Without them, there wasn't anything to go along with our memories. Wonderful experiences can't be enjoyed without happiness.

"Byakuya-sama, wait!"

"What is it?" He turned around and stopped.

"Would you, would you please visit Rena with me sometime soon?"

"I'll think about it."

He turned around and walked away, leaving me with my sweaty hands, feeling the beat of my heart.

--

Byakuya-sama didn't arrive the next time I paid Rena a visit. There were many things on his mind, but I didn't want to question him anymore. Rena breathed steadily, her chest going up and down. I looked at her face to see great sorrow. This was a face I've never seen her show until now. I looked out the window and watched the clouds go by. I wondered whatever happened to...Rukia. It had been a while since I really put myself deep in thought about her. How long has it been since we last saw each other? How long...

"Hisana."

I jumped in my seat to see Rena sitting up in her bed. She took off her breathing mask and put her hands through her tangled hair.

"Rena-chan, I didn't see you wake up. How do you feel?"

She gave me a weak smile. "Fine, I guess. Byakuya-sama didn't come visit me right?"

"You're right, he hasn't. How do you know?"

"I wouldn't expect him to."

She seemed like a new person to me. Her bubbly attitude was replaced by a serene one. She laid her head back and looked at the ceiling. I just stared at her like I was waiting for orders.

"Byakuya-sama was like this ever since early childhood."

"Hm?"

"He's been through a lot of pain in his life. These sad emotions haunted him until he learned to forget them all, just to live his life without worry. Byakuya started this habit when his parents died."

"His parents?"

"We met when I was very little. My parents just died of illness and we were at their funeral. Back then, we were just two children learning about death. I admit it, I cried my heart out when I found out they weren't coming back. The Kuchikis were respected family friends and he attended the funeral as well. I remember I ran off and cried under a plum blossom tree nearing the end of spring. Byakuya came to me because his mother told him to comfort me. I cried most of the time so we didn't really speak.

I had no blood relatives left so I was "adopted" by the Kuchikis, but still kept my surname to continue the name at least until I marry or die. Byakuya-sama became my friend. How I remember he was kind and sweet and laughed like any other kid. I felt like he was my brother and we would always be happy and share the smiles. One day while we were older, his parents died too from a hollow attack. He cried as much as I did, until I yelled at him in despair. I told him: "Please, don't cry!" I sobbed. "Please! You are stronger than I am! You always want me to become stronger so I can help myself. How can I become stronger when you cry like me! Byakuya-sama, Byakuya-sama!" I screamed in the rain. Byakuya looked up at me like he never saw me before. Since that day, he showed less and less emotion until he stopped smiling, laughing and crying altogether. Emotions were a sign of weakness, he said once to me. I didn't mean to make him stop having feelings, but what was done was done. He only wanted me to get stronger, so I didn't bother to convince him wrong."

"Rena-chan..."

"Help me get up Hisana. All this made me so depressed. I feel I should get out now."

"Wait...Rena-chan, what if I made him have his feelings back? Would you mind?"

She looked at me like she was staring at the voice inside of me. "I wouldn't mind," she told me. "In fact, I would love it if you did."

--

Byakuya would always eat outside, even when it was cold. Only when it rained did he stay inside for lunch, but when it snowed, or if it scorching hot, he would eat outside under the same tree, even if it had lost all of its leaves and flowers. It was a snowy day in my second year in the academy. Byakuya ate outside all alone because Rena stayed inside. I bundled myself up and walked in the snow and slush to make my way to the bare sakura tree. The sky was gray with the clouds hovering over us and small rays of light punctured the blanket of clouds. Byakuya was sitting on a mat like usual and taking small bites out of his lunch.

"Good afternoon, Byakuya-sama."

"Good afternoon."

"Why do you eat outside like this? Aren't you cold?"

"It doesn't bother me."

"I see." I took a handful of snow off the ground and I let it slip through my fingers.

"Hisana."

"Yes?"

"Why are you out here?"

"I thought you looked like you needed company. Everyone's inside you know, you should probably eat with everyone else. It would be better than eating in the cold all alone."

He gave me a small grin as he put some food into his mouth. "Probably."

"We could do a lot together, I mean with Rena too, the three of us. We could train and we could play a game like Go, or Shogi, but they are boring I guess. Karuta or maybe we can just...talk."

Byakuya was giving the same emotionless stare. I couldn't tell what he was thinking from that face so I shut my mouth and finished my wooden box lunch. I felt a hand grab my wrist and looked up to see Byakuya-sama hoist me up to my feet.

"Let's go, Hisana."

I nodded, surprised. At first he dragged me across the yard like a rag doll, but then I regained my train of thought and followed him back to the academy, hand-to-wrist.

--

We weren't the best of friends for some reason, even though we were friendly with each other. They slipped out of my reach like the first time we met. I still felt the imaginary boundary between us like peasant and noble. What was stranger was that slowly, Rena started to exceed me in the academy. Our grades slid farther away from each other. She started to bloom as a noble and I kept my steady grades. Maybe that was one of the reasons why I didn't talk to them as often anymore. Rena-chan would try to invite me to lunch with them, but I brought up the excuses once again. i had something to do. I really did have something to do. I made up my decision some time ago. That day, I decided to search for Rukia, even if it's only for a while. I was approaching my sixth year in the institute and would graduate some months from now.

--

"Rukia..."

I wandered around the border of the gate for the remainder of my lunch period. They told me I could visit Inuzuri for a bit, but I couldn't pass a certain point. People in Inuzuri were still poor and trying to steal whatever they could. I stepped through the streets with the Gate Guardian towering over me and watching over me. I looked at the streets that were smeared by sludge and dry blood. It was there that I saw the graves I built for Sachiko and Ryoshi.

"You guys."

I cried at the sight of it. Someone tried to dig up something from their graves. The dirt mounds had holes in them and dirt covered the ground beside them. The planks with their names were thrown carelessly on the ground with disrespect. I sniffled as I tried to put their graves back together. Why would someone just destroy their graves? Did they think the dead held gold or anything worth any money? I bowed in front of them and took my bag to walk away.

The streets didn't improve a lot. Kids ran around the streets aimlessly, giving off their sad smiles. I frowned at the sigh of them and looked at all the things that brought back memories: the shack, the box where I found the reiatsu kids, the river that now had regained its water. Then I heard the laughter of some kids. I turned around to see a small boy with bright red hair. He was yelling and brandishing his fist in the air. I stared at him for a while before he ran around the corner. I'm sure he didn't notice me, but I followed him anyways. What was he screaming? Something, really familiar.

I ran around the corner and bumped into a small boy. He was the chubby type and stared at me, mesmerized.

"Um, little boy."

"Wow, wow! You look like...!"

A rash voice came from where the red-head was, around the corner.

"Come on, are ya' going to keep us waiting!"

"Ah coming! Ren-chan!"

The boy jumped and ran off without another word to me. I wanted to follow him, but I realized that my lunch period ended a few minutes ago. I wanted to remind myself of my younger years, but I had to report back to the academy.

--

Byakuya-sama and Rena-chan didn't have to take the shinigami test. Byakuya-sama would definitely pass without difficulty. Rena would have problems if she took the test, but she didn't have to because she was a noble.

"Begin!" Our instructor told us.

I looked down at the paper and lifted my pen to tap my chin. ...Chant for Blue Fireball, more spells... The amount of spells for kidou... The names of the captains and vice-captains... Achieving Shikai... The examination took forever, but I finished in time for the performance exam. I was given a sword and targets that dotted the sky and ground.

I took a leap and sliced the first target. My landing was a bit sloppy and out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone take off points. I continued to slice the targets, one by one and then the moving targets came in the form of hollows. They charged at me and I was able to jump on its head and I slammed my sword into its skull. I leaped to a building as another hollow collided with the hollow I just hit. There was more everywhere. They were the small class hollows, but I still had trouble controlling my sword.

"Darn it, darn it, I missed."

I continued to hit the hollows with sweat dripping from my forehead. A flying hollow stroked me as I ran for the finish line. Cursing lightly, I went through it with my blade and stepped across the line, panting.

--

"Second test!"

I turned around to see a circle of targets surround me.

"Ye Lord, mask of blood and flesh! All creation, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of Man, inferno and pandemonium! The sea barrier surges, march on to the south. Way of Destruction number 31, Red Flame Cannon!"

I blasted about three of them and flipped through the air to fire more red fireballs.

"Way of Destruction number 4, White Lightning!"

The targets started to trash about as I jumped from side to side, sending out light through my fingertips. "White Lightning!" I incinerated more targets as they passed.

One by one they fell. My hands were red from doing so many spells at once and when the last one tried to slam into e, I accidentally kicked it down which would decrease my points a bit. I bit my lip and looked up at the sun. Shunpo and Hakuda were next. I was given a break before I began my next rounds. I peered out at the rest of Seireitei and its mountainous buildings. It was spectacular. I'm sure I didn't do too badly in the last trials, but I could always mess up later. More mistakes and I would have to wait one more year. I reminded of myself of Rena and Byakuya. They were the only ones I really got acquainted with and I couldn't lose them. I told myself that Byakuya needed someone to tell him that emotions were beautiful and Rena, she really did want to be my friend.

"Hisana, you are needed to complete your exam."

I nodded and took one more glance at the sky. I wanted to be a shinigami so that I could find Rukia once again. I wanted us to be together again so that we could live happily in Seireitei.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

I finished my tests four days ago. Classes were approaching their ends and nervously, I waited for the results to come in. I tapped my pencil fiercely on the paper, not knowing what to do. One curved line, some ovals...it looked like a deranged bunny. I crumpled up the paper and threw it into the trash. A gentle summer breeze blew petals onto the desk and I placed one of them in my school notes.

"Attention students!"

Sensei was speaking in front of us and immediately, everyone sat down on the spot. A saw a nervous girl chew on her pencil quickly and a boy tapping his foot uncontrollably.

"Results are in for the examination you all took four days ago. Now, some of you will be happy and some of you will be disappointed. Listen here, all of you. All you need is more practice if you failed and to succeed next year, you must work hard. For those of you that were permitted in the Gotei 13, I congratulate you. Now, I will begin announcing names."

A number of names were called and I still awaited mine. I looked at my hands. I'm sure I did decent in all of them. Kidou was my best round, but I wasn't too sure about Hakuda. I never really liked fighting hand to hand. I...

"Hisana."

I got up from my chair and mumbled to myself.

"Please let me get in, please, please."

I received the envelope from my teacher and bowed before stepping aside. I took one good look at the white envelope before breaking the seal off. Immediately I unfolded the paper:

- Hisana

You have taken the graduation exam recently and this document contains the final score of your test. Writing is out of a hundred points, performance counts as four hundred points. Performance is divided into a single score for Kidou, Zanjutsu, Shunpo and Hakuda each. They are worth a hundred points each. To qualify for a spot in the Gotei 13, you must score a grade 400 or higher out of the 500 points. Your grades are the following:

1. Written: 98 points

2. Zanjutsu: 72 points

3. Kidou: 90 points

4. Shunpo: 75 points

5. Hakuda: 62 points

Total score: 397 points.

We are sorry to inform you that out of the minimum score of 400 points, you scored lower than the required amount. We advise you to take another year of training at the Shinigami Academy to retake the test next year. We hope that you will achieve your goal next year at the same time and place. If you have any questions, please ask the office or your respective teachers.

I felt two teardrops land on the paper. I couldn't believe my eyes. I was just three points away from the minimum. I couldn't speak a word. If I hadn't landed so sloppy, and maybe if I hadn't kicked that last target in Kidou, I might've gotten in. I saw that other students were disappointed as well through my watery eyes. Darn it! I folded up the paper and crammed it into my kimono. I hit the desks with my knuckle as I walked back to my seat...

"Hey! Hisana!"

I wiped the tears off my face and turned around to see Byakuya-sama and Rena-chan. I envied them. They wore their shinigami uniform and I could see their zanpaktous, hanging from their white belts. Zanpaktous were given to graduated students a week after their scores came back. After the ceremony, they got to choose a zanpaktou, a special soul cutter that was only for them. It was important to choose one that was easy for the owner to use or they might not have the chance to choose again.

"Hey, I heard that students were given their scores today. How did you do?"

"I...I failed!" I cried out. I grabbed Rena's arm and wept bitterly. It wasn't fair that she was excused from the test. It wasn't fair that she didn't have to go through the trouble of it all and I couldn't stand looking at both of them. "I failed! I can't..."

"It's alright." Rena held my hand like a sister. She looked as sad as I was now and two tears fell out of her eyes. "I wish that we could help you somehow, Hisana. I really wished that she could be shinigami together this year."

"But I..."

"Byakuya-sama, I want to ask you to do a favor for me."

"What?"

"Hisana, I want her to graduate badly. You could help her right?"

"That would be..."

"Against the rules, yes I know! You're always telling me that. We climbed that damn cherry tree anyways!"

"Its branch broke," Byakuya calmly said. I didn't understand their situation, but I assumed it was from their childhood.

"Anyways Byakuya-sama! Please ask them to request an excuse for Hisana."

I looked at her. Was she serious? A non-noble couldn't be excused from the test, could they? She was serious and pulled Byakuya's sleeve. I looked at the wrinkled paper and bit my lip. I looked up and saw Byakuya step down to my teacher. Rena pulled me down with her and walked straight behind Byakuya.

"Sensei."

"Kuchiki, what brings you here into the academy? I thought you graduated some time ago."

"Our first intention was to visit an acquaintance, but I have a small request for you and the academy board of staff."

"What is it Kuchiki-san?"

"I wish for Hisana to be excused from the exam."

"Excused?" My teacher was bewildered. "That is unexpected of you. I can not say that Hisana did poorly, but I can not say that she has passed! Why would you request such a silly matter like that? I'm sure with one more year, she could pass."

"...As a noble I request this action to be taken seriously, sensei. Speak with the staff on my behalf. Hisana will pass the exam like I stated and I will take responsibility for the problems that follow. Believe me, I have high respects for the regulations for the school, but this is a private request, an exception from me and Rena."

He looked at the three of us and sighed, shaking his head.

"Really, Kuchiki. This is highly unexpected, but I guess I have no choice but to speak with them."

Byakuya nodded and turned around to walk back to his division headquarters. I sadly watched Rena trail behind and before she disappeared, winked at me. Sensei was watching me carefully as I wandered back into my seat and put my head down.

--

The following week, I prepared for the ceremony. All day, people watched me walk down the halls with disgust. Byakuya succeeded in persuading the council to change their decision. I was to graduate with everyone else the week after the exams. I felt guilty for getting in without a passing grade, but still, I couldn't tell them to forget about it. I had to become a shinigami and then I had to find Rukia.

I combed my hair slowly and straightened my kimono. I grew a lot since my Rukongai days. My hair got longer and my eyes matured, but still were round and childish. I was much taller than before, yet Rena could see the top of my head and Byakuya, well, he towered over me.

"All graduates assemble in the main hall. The ceremony will begin shortly," called the headmaster.

I cranked my neck and sighed. I wondered, which division will I be placed in? Which zanpaktou would be right for me? I thought these things as I went down the corridor, my hands shaking from the nervousness.

--

"I stand here before you all to announce something wonderful. We have new graduates for our Academy, the same academy that Shigekuni Yamamoto-Genryusai founded. I congratulate you all for your hard-work and dedication. You will all be members of the divisions and mobile corps and proud members shall I add. Train hard and take care of your fellow shinigami; be prepared to fight many hollows in your lifetime. Now, let us begin the induction of students in the Gotei 13!"

"Aimi! Shinju! Taro! Hisana!"

I walked up to the platform to greet the line of staff and bowed in respect to all of them. I peered out into the crowd to see many glaring eyes. It was too true; it wasn't fair for me to get in even though I didn't pass the test. One man gave me a black package wrapped in plastic. Inside was a shihakushou, a shinigami uniform. I stroked the surface sadly and walked down the platform.

"Tsukiko! Osamu!..."

The voices ceased as I walked to the group where the other graduates gathered. They gave me a glance before looking away.

"Please, please get in line! Alright, the picture will commence! One...Two...Three!"

Click.

--

The next week, I was brought to a building for people to examine my reiatsu. From there, they analyzed my strong points and weaknesses and then they would give me a choice on which zanpaktou I wanted, according to an array of swords they selected from my information. I didn't want anything that used brute force, or speed. None of them seemed to peak my interest. The zanpaktous that focused on kidou were way too small.

"How about this one?" The man asked me. He pointed to a sword far off in the corner that had a fairly decent size even though it was still smaller than most. The guard was shaped like a feather and the hilt had a simple diamond pattern on it. I decided to touch it and I ran my fingers down the blade.

"Do you like this one?"

I looked at him and back to the sword. There was one way to be sure that it was right for me. I swung the sword back and forth, testing the weight and the speed that it could travel. The grip was fine, and the way it went through the air was good. I smiled.

"What is your name, zanpaktou?...Tatsu...Tatsumaki. A tornado."

"Well?"

I turned to him and nodded. He handed over the sheath. It was quite beautiful with a silver chain hanging off from the handle. The charm resembled a small silver feather. He nodded and called for an escort to the Gotei 13 hall. A captain must choose us to be in their squad. Rejects would go to any captain that could make use of them most. I hoped that I wouldn't be last. I hoped that they wouldn't make a fool out of me, but I realized, I was already a fool to begin with.

"Thank you sir." I followed the shinigami escort out of the building.

--

Byakuya-sama and Rena-chan were both in the 13th division under Ukitake Juushiro, the captain who was one of the first to graduate from the school. I didn't know if he was going to choose me, but if he did, I would be happy. The captains of the squads were filing in the office to draft us. We were placed in the middle, lined up and silent as they observed us. Many captains already planned out their choices from the moment they heard about our skills. I wondered who would pick me. I heard Captain Ukitake was one of the oldest and had long silver-white hair. There was none in the picture. Only twelve captains were present.

"Where is Ukitake-taicho?" One of the captains asked.

A man with wavy hair in a pony-tail shrugged it off. "He's sick again Aizen. He decided to draft from the comfort of his bed. Yawn what a day to be sick, eh?"

"Shunsui, that's sad to hear...Well now, these students look absolutely bright, don't they? It would be a shame for him to miss this." He smiled at us warmly. "Let's see..."

I closed my eyes a bit, hearing names being called out loud. That's not me. That's not my name either. I was scared. What if the captain was harsh to his squad? What would I do? What would I...

"Hisana."

I looked up to the woman who had called me. She was a dainty woman with wrinkles on her cheeks when she smiled. It was the captain of fourth division and her vice-captain, Unohana-sama. Fourth division was the healing squad. They were in charge of taking care of the injured and cleaning up after the rest. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad. The squad was friendly to each other, but the others teased them, I heard. Taking care of the injured? I didn't know if I could do it.

"Please come forward." Her vice-captain called. I nodded as I looked towards the ground. She put her arm on my shoulder and smelled sweetly. At least, I told myself; at least I would feel like I was loved. Outside, a small sakura petal flew by.

--

When I entered the 4th division headquarters, already I saw some bandaged shinigami lying on the beds. Vice-captain Unohana led our small group of shinigamis around the building and eventually, into the water system.

"You will need to know the system during your time in the 4th division," She told us. "It's important because we must do the jobs that many others aren't willing to do. You will need to memorize the maps given to you and quickly."

I looked at the strange map. There were so many tunnels, passageways, exits and dead ends on the map and we were required to memorize them all. And we had to give up the maps because the other divisions shouldn't get their hands on it. I sighed and looked around the damp place.

"Please be aware that as a member of my captain's squad, you will be in Soul Society for most of your days as a shinigami. We rarely go outside of Soul Society to heal unless there is an emergency."

"That's not fair." A smaller shinigami stated. "I want to go to the material world too!"

"Maybe if you work hard enough, you can."

I felt the wall and rubbed my fingers. Kidou wasn't always used for fighting I guess. People who can use kidou well can also heal well, they said. Maybe if I was better in the other fields, I would have gone to another squad, but it's no use thinking of that now. I just hoped that I might be able to see Byakuya and Rena sometime soon.

--

"You look disappointed."

"No, not at all, Unohana-fukutaicho. I'm just thinking that's all." I bit my lip. Did I really look that depressed?

"I can see sadness when I look into your eyes. You know that soon, our taicho will retire. She's become sick of the blood and her hands became pink with blood stains. She told me that, one day I would take over her division."

"Unohana...taicho?"

"Yes, I think that in one more year, she will be gone. She's much too old for the job." She smiled. "I heard that you were the 'excused' shinigami."

I blushed in embarrassment. "Yes..."

"You think that everyone's against you, but see three points away isn't so bad."

"What score did you have when you graduated?" I asked.

"Let's see, I think I got in at about...oh 425; something like that. But you see, I wasn't the best in some areas too, like you. You'll get used to hakuda and shunpo. Trust me."

"Thank you, Unohana-fukutaicho."

"Your welcome, oh and you were the one at that academy hollow mess, right?"

"Huh?"

"I helped operate of Kuchiki. He asked about Rena's safety...and yours too. He said in small sentences: Where's Hisana, did she get attacked too? I realized after we picked you, that you were the Hisana he asked about. Nobles make more than noble friends these days. Interesting."

She smiled once more and walked away. Somehow, she seemed like someone I could trust. She seemed almost motherly in a way. I wouldn't mind having her as my captain. Truly.

--

A year later, Unohana-sama became captain of 4th division. Despite her womanly and motherly looks, she was deadly. No one questioned her, not even the shinigami of 11th division who was the ruthless powerhouse. I didn't hear from Byakuya or Rena in quite a while and slowly, I began to forget about meeting them. The members of 4th division were warm to me and I felt comfortable healing the injured. They were right, I was good at healing and I was happy too. I rarely had to use my zanpaktou, Tatsumaki, the tornado, but when I did use it, it was only for show. Tatsumaki was considered a beautiful zanpaktou, one that people admired in battle.

"Orimageru, Tatsumaki!"

That meant to double, orimageru. I would spin the sword and it would separate in the whirl. It would separate into two large black and white fans, each a little longer than my forearm and as tall as my head. The blades were on the top and they folded along with the movements of the fans. I controlled the wind through the battlefield and under our feet. The trick was to dance smoothly as if you were just dancing for fun. A beautiful tornado that crossed the lands and was condensed into a sword, they said.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7.

Years later, it was reported that Urahara-taichou was exiled from Soul Society. I didn't hear much of the details, but I heard that he was banned for the creation of an illegal gigai, a temporary faux body. Yoruichi-sama followed him and quit the title of Corps commander. Byakuya was Yoruichi's friend I heard. They used to play shunpo tag together when they were young. Rena told me that Yoruichi always beat Byakuya and everyone started calling her the God of Flash. Byakuya didn't really do much after she left except he scolded her from afar.

--

It was an ordinary lovely day in Soul Society and I was sitting under a tree, covering my eyes from the sun. It had been quite a few years since I joined the Gotei 13. Almost everyday I went out to Rukongai to see if I could find Rukia or at least traces of her. So far, I couldn't find her anywhere. My job was getting in the way of my search honestly, but I couldn't stop working or Unohana-taichou would punish me for sure. I just finished searching and was taking a break when I saw Byakuya-sama crossing the garden. He turned to me and I waved at him casually. It was always like this. I would see him walk by and I would just give him a wave and he would continue walking. Today he seemed troubled. He walked towards me and sat down beside me.

"We haven't spoken to each other in a while, Hisana." he said.

"Oh, yes. How are you and Rena?"

"We're scheduled to inspect the aftermath of a hollow gathering in the material world. Some people used too much bait again."

"I wish you good luck with that. Oh, and how is your captain? I heard he's sick again."

He nodded as he watched the leaves move in the grass. Something wasn't right now. The air seemed thicker than ever and Byakuya's eyes were tense.

"Where's Rena?" I asked him. He stood up as I said it.

"She's probably heading towards the gate. I should go now too, but before I leave, do you feel the heavy atmosphere?"

"I do."

"I have a bad feeling." With that, he walked away and I hugged my legs to my chest. I watched him leave with the noble dignity that followed. This heavy air made me sleepy. I decided to close my eyes, just for a little bit.

--

When I woke up, I was walking back to the General Relief Center and sat down on a chair. There were no patients today. It was strange. Suddenly a shinigami came in through the door panting. He rushed past me like I wasn't even there and went into Unohana's office. I stood up and went to the open door.

"Unohana-taichou! Squad 13 would like to request some persons from your squad to tend to an injured shinigami."

"How many?"

"Actually, we would like for you to come as well as however many you choose."

"Alright then. Hisana, you seem to be the only one nearby. Please accompany me."

I nodded and followed the messenger to what seemed to be a gate in the distance. It was the gate connecting the human world with Soul Society. Some shinigami were huddled up in a group, holding someone down.

"Captain Unohana has arrived. Please step aside," I told them.

I moved some people to the side and kneeled down beside my captain. The man on the ground was bloody everywhere from his hands to his legs. He was covering his face and spitting blood from his mouth onto the floor. I grasped his bloody hands and removed them from his face to see in front of me, Byakuya-sama. I gasped and fell back in horror.

"Byakuya-sama!"

"What happened?" Unohana-sama asked the shinigami surrounding us. Ukitake-taichou stepped forward and kneeled down, wiping the blood off Byakuya's forehead. Unohana started to heal him as 13th squad's captain started to explain the situation.

"I'm not sure what happened because I was in Seireitei as my shinigami inspected the site. When I heard a distress call, it was coming from my squad. Byakuya was badly injured when I found him. One of them told me that once they were about to leave, there was a tear in the sky from the incident beforehand with the hollow bait. Apparently, many Menos Grande gathered at the tear and started reaching out for something. One of them got a hold on Rena and pulled her into Hueco Mundo. Kuchiki tried to save her and got injured by them. We failed to retrieve her back."

"Is it confirmed that she is dead?" My captain asked.

"Right now, we regard her as missing. A change in status will commence if she doesn't return."

I put my hands above Byakuya's wound and started healing him. I couldn't concentrate well because of all the information I just learned. Seeing all the blood on him made me dizzy and tired. He was struggling to break free of our hold on him. I listened to the agony in his heavy breaths and silently cried in my mind. Rena was gone. The hollows took her away.

--

Later reports told us that except for Rena, no one else was "killed" or taken by the Menos Grande. No one else was injured by them except for Byakuya. It hurt me because they were the only ones that suffered. No one had any idea why they came through and took her only. They...I could only weep for her and hope that in some way, she survived, but there was no chance in hell that she could've escaped. The following morning after Byakuya was hospitalized; I visited him in the station. When I entered his room, he was looking up at the ceiling.

"Byakuya-sama."

He closed his eyes for a few moments before opening his eyes again. I sat down in the chair by his bedside and started to unravel the bloody bandages from his arms. He watched me as I took out new bandages and as I wound them around his arm. We didn't say a word to each other. I started working on his abdomen and I saw the scars on his body. There was the imprint of a hollow's finger that pierced his flesh. Sadly I looked up at him to see him closing his eyes in pain.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"There's...nothing to be sorry for."

"I wasn't able to save her."

"No one could've stood up to those hollows. You, you couldn't have saved her, even if you had help."

"No, I wasn't able to stop her from leaving. I...wasn't able to save my parents. I wasn't able to stop Yoruichi from leaving and I couldn't stop Rena from leaving. I..."

I could see the pain in his eyes as he clenched his teeth. I sadly looked at him and his emotions. This was probably the first time I saw him so angry at himself and at the world. I never saw him show the sadness in his heart like that. I put my hand on his shoulder and looked down. Tears from my eyes splashed on the bandages and I shook my head. I shouldn't be the one crying. Byakuya should be the one that was the most affected by this, but I could help, but feel his pain.

"Byakuya...sama."

I finished bandaging his chest and wiped my forehead. Things in this world, they were so unfair. I bit my lip as a sakura petal flew by.

--

Byakuya-sama returned to his normal unfeeling self the day he was released from the 4th division headquarters. He looked like nothing changed in his life, but I alone could see that something was missing inside of him. Sometimes, when Rena complimented him or scolded his unemotional self, he would give the slightest smile, but now, there was no smiling left. I returned from my break, the time when I searched for Rukia and saw Byakuya resting outside. He was staring at the clouds, fiddling with the grass in his hand. I didn't want to disturb him, so I avoided talking to him that afternoon. We would meet again that night when he was out walking.

I saw him standing in front of a large pond, looking at the moon's reflection. He folded his arms together and sighed.

"Byakuya-sama."

"Yes."

I didn't really know what to say after that. I just felt like saying his name; that was all. "Can I join you?"

He nodded so I stood next to him.

"About Rena-chan...Had they..."

"They confirmed her death and filed her name under the causalities, even though we haven't found her body just yet."

"Oh, okay then."

"I wonder, why do you go missing every lunch break?"

"Oh, well you see," I looked at him uneasily, but then sighed. "When I came to Soul Society, I came with my little sister. At first, things went alright I guess, but later I couldn't support her anymore. You might think I'm terrible, but I had to...abandon her. I had to let her go so that I could live. I know, I'm selfish, but...anyways, I decided I should search for her in Rukongai. Maybe if I find her, then I could bring her back to Seireitei. We could be happy once more."

"You haven't found her yet."

"You're right."

We felt the breeze and I held my hair to stop it from covering my face. The moon was full tonight and the stars twinkled brightly in the sky. Byakuya reached for a blossom that broke of from the branches in the air. It landed on his finger and he stared at it for a while. I copied him and reached for a flower, but this one was different. It was a plum blossom while he held a cherry blossom.

"Rena would reincarnate in the real world, right?"

"I suppose." Byakuya sighed.

"Maybe one day, we could find her walking the streets of the material world. Wouldn't that be nice?"

"Maybe, or they could've turned her into a hollow instead."

"I suppose, but let's not think about that Byakuya-sama...It's too painful to think about the bad things! You should...well...think about what good will come." I didn't mean to shout in the middle of my sentence, but Byakuya-sama didn't mind. He let go of the flower and drew out his zanpaktou.

"I don't believe you ever seen my shikai," he told me.

"Neither have you seen mine," I responded. I tried to smile. He gracefully waved his sword around and then he put it parallel to his body. His hand turned the zanpaktou sideways and quietly he said: Chire, Senbonzakura.

What happened next amazed me. His blade and guard and even his handle started to disappear. Out came fragments that circled around us. The tiny blades reflected the moonlight and they resembled sakura petals. With his hands, he used circular motions to control the tiny shards so that they danced around us like flower petals. I gazed at them in amazement and watched them skim across the water and cut the grass below.

"Orimageru, Tatsumaki."

I released my zanpaktou and flicked open the fans. I moved them like the ocean's waves and spun my whole body. Slowly, he lost some control over the "petals". I spun my fans and the wind picked up, carrying the shards to me. He raised his hand and the shards moved back. Back and forth, we pulled on Senbonzakura until we both let go and the petals dispersed in midair. They exploded like fireworks and started to rain down on the pond. He pulled him back to his side and condensed it back to its original form. I couldn't help but laugh as I fell down from my body's weariness. He sat down too and placed the sword back into the sheath.

"That really is a beautiful zanpaktou, Byakuya-sama...huh?"

He was smiling, almost laughing. It made me smile even brighter. I moved a little closer to him.

"That was the first time I've seen your zanpaktou as well. It surprised me that you could use the wind to control my Senbonzakura."

"Well, that wasn't much," I laughed. "You overwhelmed me the whole time."

I got up and he gave me his hand so I could get up. I patted down my kimono and smiled one more time at him.

"I should be going back now."

"Me too."

I waved goodbye and started walking towards my headquarters when I heard Byakuya's voice.

"Hisana, thank you."

"You're welcome, Byakuya-sama."

He started walking the opposite direction and I went my way.

--

It seemed that the night we released our zanpaktous, Byakuya seemed happier. He still had the same face, but instead of sitting under the trees, he got out more and visited 4th division often. What was even better was that he was asking for me most of the time. We would speak about random things like the weather, Ukitake's conditions, the patients I received, what I saw in Rukongai and other small things that came to mind. More and more we kept each other company until we became close friends.

"Hisana."

"Does your sister look like you?"

"Yes, she does...a lot like me."

"Alright." 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.

I felt someone following me that morning, like a colossal being or a evil spirit. Rukongai had become familiar to me ever since I started searching for Rukia endlessly. The grime on the walls was familiar and the dirt on the street was too.

"You..."

I turned around to see a man in rags pointing a nasty finger at my face. I stepped back and touched my sword.

"What is it?"

"You shinigami and your great life...Why won't you take us in!"

"It's not for...me to decide. Please back away."

He tried to grab for me, but I jumped out of the way. He fell down, but got back up and lunged at me. I dodged again, but I felt a wet hand touch my shoulder. Another man was holding me and laughing, spitting as he did. I shivered in repulsion and shoved my elbow into his nose.

"Taking your anger out on me won't solve anything!"

More of their friends came along and surrounded me. I knew that I could easily escape, but I felt uneasy. They all were only just a little older than I was and I thought, once they were desperate children like me and Sachiko and Ryoshi. I was lost in thought and someone grabbed my legs.

"Stop!" I took out my blade, but I couldn't swipe down. Damn. All this time, I've been healing; I never thought I would have to hurt anyone with Tatsumaki. They gathered around me and touched my kimono and my arm. I didn't know, should I strike them, or should I...I couldn't escape. They held me down. I heard a small explosion behind me and the men holding me down fell. The others backed away. I saw out of the corner of my eye, the familiar kenseikan.

"Byakuya-sama?"

"Are you alright, Hisana?"

"I'm fine I guess."

He extended his hand and looked at my attackers.

"One more false move and you'll all be reduced to ashes. Get out of my face."

They scurried away like rats through the alleys of the streets. I sighed and put back Tatsumaki in its sheath. Byakuya held out his hand and I grabbed it, patting down my dress.

"Thank you, Byakuya-sama, but why are you here?"

"I heard that you were searching for your sister."

"Oh, right, but I have to get back before my break ends or Unohana-taichou will scold me again."

He nodded and took out a cloth to wipe my shoulder and arms with. I blushed as he took my hand and rubbed the dirt off my fingers.

"Um, I'll do it."

I took the cloth away from his hands and wiped myself. It was a pretty handkerchief with soft colors and floral designs. I tucked it away in my kimono and smiled at him. He went forward, crossing his arms as he walked.

"Byakuya-sama, where are you going?"

"I want to help you find your sister."

"That's not..." I thought about it twice. I could've said, "That's not necessary." or "I'm fine on my own." but I knew that with his help, I could find her faster. I swooped down by his side and held my hands together. Rukongai was big and each district was large. Rukia may have gone to another district in these years or may have...died. I kept myself from tearing up in front of Byakuya-sama.

We didn't find her, but we found some other interesting things and people. I saw the chubby boy again, putting on his sandal. He seemed to stare directly at us when we passed and he got all excited when he saw me. He ran away afterwards so we left that area. I saw the broken toys of children and then we headed up to my friends' graves. They were as I left them, neat and how they should be.

--

When we returned to Seireitei, Unohana tapped me on my head with a fan because I came back at dinnertime instead of after my lunch break. I laughed and asked her if I could leave the headquarters a bit and she nodded, signaling I could. I walked past the ponds and into a large open area and in the center, the Kuchiki mansion. There was always an old man either standing in the front door or behind it, but he always greeted me politely and offered me to come in. Usually, I didn't go in, because I was scared I would get lost in there, but this time, I wanted to.

"Thank you, I think I'll go in this time."

He opened the door to a well lit corridor and I gaped at the beautiful paintings and the designs on the walls. I crept upstairs and looked at the bathroom. It was all...sparkly. I couldn't help but giggle out of excitement. Observing the fancy installments of a noble made me laugh. I walked past a bedroom. For a second, I thought it could be Byakuya's or maybe one of the servants...maybe Old Man Kuchiki, but inside, it was like the bedroom of a woman's. I crept slowly inside and touched the desk of the bedroom. On the bed were small stuffed animals and to the side were picture frames. I looked at them to see a two small girls and a small boy. One had purple hair and yellow eyes. I assumed that was Yoruichi and the other girl was smiling widely and holding onto Yoruichi's arm. She was Rena. The boy next to her was smiling too with a dark head of hair and gray-blue eyes. It was Byakuya-sama when he was smaller. I looked around and saw that this was Rena's room.

She told me that when her parents died, she stayed with the Kuchikis and lived in the mansion. I was surprised that she still did live here even after her childhood. I picked up a small book from the drawer and observed it. Little doodles were etched in the corner and small chibi heads of Rena and Byakuya were engraved in the book spine. I hesitantly flipped to a random page in the book and read a page:

Dear journal...diary. Yes.  
Today, we were outside playing in the yard. Yoruichi played with us and dared Byakuya to play tag with her. I tried to stop him, but he insisted and lost the match again. He's too stubborn, I think. Oh, and today, we were climbing the sakura trees again. Master Kuchiki told us to stop, but we didn't listen to him. We usually climbed on the big sturdy tree, but we accidentally sat on the young tree and its branch broke off. Byakuya was panicking and tried to hit me with the branch, but Yoruichi came and took me under her arm. Byakuya tried chasing us, but he couldn't. I felt sad for him so I told Master Kuchiki it was my fault. He scolded the both of us, but he forgot about it later. Byakuya also got two kenseikan noodles some time ago. I forgot to write it down. They look like noodles so I would often dump them in his noodles when I wasn't looking. They were strange honestly...

I couldn't read more. I put the book back in its proper place and walked around to find Byakuya. He had to be somewhere in this maze. As I past the windows, I saw that rain started to fall. It looked like it was going to be big. I continued searching and I was about to give up when I saw someone reading a book in the center of a room. Byakuya's back was to me and in front of him was a little shrine of Rena. I tried to scare him by pouncing on his back, but he flipped me over.

"Ow. Byakuya...sama."

"Why are you here Hisana?" It wasn't like a question, but more like a statement. He looked at the small shrine and back to me. I rubbed my head and sat next to him.

"Master Kuchiki let me in."

"I see."

"Um, that shrine, shouldn't you make a better one for her. It's...small."

"The size doesn't really matter. It's the devotion to it. Besides, Rena did like small things when she was alive."

"Oh...you two have known each other a long time...Was she your best friend?"

"I suppose; Yoruichi doesn't seem like a worthy candidate."

"Were you two close?"

"Yes...I suppose."

I bit my lip and stared at her portrait. She was smiling at me, welcoming me.

"Did you like her?"

"Like her?"

"Were you two...um never mind."

He stared at me and then continued reading the book in his hand. I wanted to bring the question up again, but it would be awkward. I cleared my throat and faced Byakuya.

"Did you...lo...love her? More than a friend?"

"No."

That took me by surprise, not because he said no, but because of how simple his answer was. I blushed and faced forward again.

"Sorry I brought that up."

"It's alright. Honestly, she was more like a sister to me. She was idiotic in her own way and bothered me like a little sister. I never disliked her for being so attached to me. It felt like I had someone to take care of. You've had that feeling before."

"Yes."

"That's all."

"So, have you ever felt love...before?"

He gave me that unmoving face. "May have, may have not."

He stood up and left the book on the small table in the center of the room.

"You are welcome to stay here if you like."

"I...alright, thank you."

--

I was staying in the guest's room and resting as it was raining hard outside. The storm was raging, and the rain fell constantly. I couldn't sleep much because of the noise and the lightning. The bed was soft and comfortable, but I still couldn't sleep. I decided to search for something to do in the mansion. All there was here were the paintings and expensive sculptures. I walked past a slightly ajar bedroom to see Byakuya's face in a flash of light from the lightning. I quietly entered the room while he slept and observed him. This was the first time I ever saw him sleep. He wasn't as tense like this and he looked like he was at peace.

"I..." He quietly murmured.

He must be dreaming of something. I sat down on the floor and put my head on the side of the mattress. It's nice to sleep with the presence of others, even if it was uncomfortable.

"Hisana."

I looked up to see if he actually spotted me. I saw that he was still asleep. Even the composed nobles can talk in their sleep I suppose.

"Will you..."

I played along with his dream. "Yes, Bya-kun?" I laughed. I've never referred to him like that before.

"Will...you."

"Yes, I'm listening," I told him near the ear. I closed my eyes and fiddled with my fingers. I didn't hear him speak afterwards for a while. The rain fell slower now and I was able to close my eyes in peace.

--

When I woke up, I was in my own bed. I looked around to see that the door was closed and an extra blanket was placed on me. It was late in the morning and the birds already started singing. Byakuya-sama must've already left the house by now. I changed into my uniform in my room and walked out of the mansion.

"Good afternoon Hisana-san."

"Good morn...wait, it's afternoon already, Unohana-taichou?"

"You're late today, did you know?"

"Well, I'm sorry taichou. I overslept because of the rain. It...won't happen again. I'm sorry."

She nodded and went into her office. I sat down and sighed. The air was still damp and the ground was still wet. A light breeze blew open the door, but when I tried to close it, I found Byakuya-sama on the other side.

"Oh, good morning Byakuya-sama. I...oh, I'm sorry about falling asleep in your room. I...couldn't sleep well in my own room last night."

"It's alright," he calmly responded.

"What are you doing here?"

"I have a wound on my shoulder from one of my assignments this morning."

"I'll take a look."

I led him to a bed and pulled the sleeve to expose the wounded shoulder. It wasn't too bad so I worked on it by myself. I looked at him. He seemed to have something on his mind because he always looked out the window when I looked up at him. I finished bandaging the shoulder and I gave him back his scarf.

"Thank you, Hisana."

"It's nothing. By the way, you seem troubled. Is something the matter, Byakuya-sama?"

"I think...Could you please come to my house again tonight?"

"What for?"

He started to walk away, tying his scarf around his neck. I didn't know what would happen, but I didn't reject his offer. Unohana stepped out of her office and put her hand on my shoulder.

"It's almost lunch break, Hisana. You should be going."

"Right."

--

The rain returned in the form of a cool mist. I stepped outside with a small umbrella and started to walk. I didn't feel like getting my uniform wet so I wore a nice pink kimono that Unohana-taichou was about to throw away. It looked brand new because she never wore it. The stars were dim and the moon was half full.

"Oh, Hisana, you're here."

"Hello, Master Kuchiki."

"Byakuya-sama is out in the back. He's waiting for you."

It was true, Byakuya-sama was out in the back and he was sipping on tea, kneeling on the grass. I walked next to him and sat down, smiling. There was a cup in front of me so I took it and placed my lips on the edge.

"Um, why Byakuya-sama..." I started.

"I was wondering, when you became a shinigami, it was because you wanted to have a good life and find your sister, right?"

"Yes."

"Have you ever thought that your job would interfere with your search?"

I looked down at the steaming tea.

"Well, in order for me to be here, I have to become part of Seireitei. Being a shinigami at that time was the only way."

He nodded and without warning, placed his hand on my hands in my lap.

"Hisana...I want to thank you for being here."

"Bya..."

"And I want to pay you back for everything you've done for me."

"I didn't do anything worthy of thanks," I told him. He shook his head and smiled a little at me.

"Thank you for being with me even when Rena died. I know that you honest felt uneasy around me at first, but I'm glad that you had the courage to keep me company."

"Is that so..."

"Hisana...will you."

The surrounding seemed to disappear. All I heard was his voice and all I saw was his face. I looked at my cup and its contents, the steam rising into my chin. I felt my cheeks turn red and my eyes watery.

"...marry me."

He took my hands and pulled them up to the air. I felt a large bubble stuck in my throat and waves splashing in my stomach. Tear rolled down my cheeks and gasping for a large amount of air I fell into his lap.

"Yes..." I whispered. I felt his arms wrap around my body and he pulled me up so that I was lying on his thighs and leaning against his chest. I felt the mist rain down onto my face and the soft chirps of the midnight animals. Why hadn't I realized this before...that I loved Byakuya and he loved me. A withered sakura petal flew by and was caught between my hairs. He slowly took it out and placed it in my fingers. A tear went down my chin. This was true happiness. All this felt... like a passing dream.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9.

After the misty night, Byakuya-sama told Master Kuchiki that he wanted to marry me. I remember crouching down beside the door, listening to the argument that stretched far pass the morning hours and into the night. I didn't wish to barge in or Master Kuchiki would get even madder...

"Byakuya-sama, you know that you can not just marry a peasant! You must marry someone of noble status!"

"What does it matter as long as the Kuchikis have an heir? Besides, if I had to marry anyone, it would be her."

"You fool...we can not mix noble and commoner blood. It is against the rules. Of all people, you should know that we nobles are strict in enforcing these rules. What will people think of you?"

"Let them think what they want. I would rather marry a poor woman I love than a noble stranger."

"Fool, Byakuya-sama. Central 46 would not approve of this. Your parents would not have approved. From the start they wanted you marry someone like...someone like Chan Rena."

"She was a friend, that was all," he tried to calm down. "And my parents, you knew didn't you?"

"What?"

"You knew that my mother was originally from Rukongai as well. You all kept it a secret and burned her past. Mixing blood? It was already mixed to begin with."

"Byakuya-sama."

I heard his footsteps come towards the door so I got up and met Byakuya in the eye. He walked in front of me while I tailed behind. I'm sorry for all the trouble I have caused, thought in my mind. I'm sorry you have to defy the rules for me.

"Hisana."

"Byakuya-sama?"

"We will get married. I promise you." He continued walking. I stood there dumbly as I watched his scarf bounce against his back.

"Yes...Byakuya-sama."

--

Byakuya didn't get good comments from the others. The only people that appreciated his will were some of the shinigami who were once part of the scum of Rukongai, but even they gossiped about my fiancé. Byakuya searched the calendar and scheduled our wedding on the 21st of April, some months from now. He wasn't at ease throughout the whole time because of the verbal abuse from the other lesser noble families. Late at night he would stay up, praying to his parents for guidance and I would often stay up with him to keep him company. It's sad since I always fall asleep before him and I would find myself in my bed with another nice blanket wrapped around me.

--

"Please raise your arm."

I raised my arm as the maids put my shiromaku on me, meaning "pure white". Of course it was all white and it was my wedding kimono. They wrapped my hair neatly and stuck ornaments and combs into my hair. They were beautiful and sparkled in the morning sunlight. I looked in the mirror. I looked...beautiful. They already painted my skin a thin layer of white, making my skin light-peach colored. I couldn't help noticing that my skin seemed to glow in the mirror.

"We are done, miss. Please stay seated as we will bring you the news of Kuchiki-sama. We have prepared a hakama skirt in this box."

I nodded and looked out the window, feeling the ribbon on the silk wrapped box. Since I couldn't buy one of my own, Unohana-sama bought a hakama skirt for me to give to Byakuya. It was a sign of fidelity. It was strange since I didn't have any family members...except for Rukia, but she's gone. All I could invite were the 4th division and well, not much else. Byakuya said he would bring some relatives and some of the Gotei 13, but not too much. They would have to fill the empty seats of the shinto chapel.

The maids returned with an umbrella and bowed towards me.

"Miss Hisana, we are ready to commence the procedure. Please let us escort you to the marriage site."

"Thank you."

They took me by the hand and placed it on top of theirs. I felt strange as the woman shielded me from the sun and others picked up the trailing end of my kimono. In front of me, I saw the sanctuary and people already gathered inside. I heard a playing of the flutes in both sides of the room and on the altar, there stood the priest and Byakuya-sama. He was dressed in a montsuki kimono with a short haori bearing the Kuchiki family crest. Some of his family members gave their presents to me and I gave them to Unohana-sama. The priest cleared his throat and started to purify us. I looked at Byakuya-sama and he seemed happy for the first time in months. The priest shook his staff around us and the guests and proceeded in the ceremony.

"May I have the favor of the audience for this marriage?"

I cringed at the thought of many screaming their denials. Byakuya put his hand on my shoulder and I turned around. None of his family members spoke a word, but they grimaced at us. Some of them said quietly they approved while my friends shouted out their approval. I smiled at their ignoble shouts.

"Now we may serve the sake for the couple."

Three red and white dressed maids scurried to us as we kneeled down. I sipped the three cups of sake three times each, thrice. Byakuya did the same. We then stood up and Byakuya received a parchment from a servant. I cleared his throat and looked at me with his blue-gray eyes.

Hisana,  
We have known each other for a long time and through the years, feeling have risen and escalated. I am pleased that you accepted my proposal and hope that you do not regret it. I sincerely promise that I will be faithful to you as long as you are to me and I promise to support you when the times are rough...I hope that we can share our life together and live happily with one another. I wish us both long life and luck so that we can strive through the adversity that will come at us, but never between us because of our strong bond that is held by love.

I smiled at him as he put away the scroll, his face red pink. It was a long time since I heard him say more than three sentences at once and never have I seen him so...mushy? The priest nodded and hit his staff on the ground to end the ceremony. Byakuya-sama took my hand and led me to the tables where we would drink sake and I would meet my in-laws...

--

The night after the wedding, we sat in the mansion in his room. We sat on the edge of his bed, next to each other. I placed my tired head on his shoulder and started removing the combs by myself. I assumed that Byakuya bought them for me go I placed them at the table by his bedside. He removed his kenseikan and placed them with my ornaments and used his free hands to hold my head.

"Byakuya-sama...What will become of us?"

"Become of us..." He repeated. "We'll be happy, won't...we...?"

"I wish that it wasn't so hard. There were too much hateful eyes this morning. Their eyes seemed like they were driving into my life and wishing that I would perish on the spot."

He patted my hand and closed his eyes. I didn't want to disturb him so I laid him down on his bed. I wondered if it was appropriate to...No, I mustn't. I tried to step outside but I heard Byakuya whisper my name out. I sat on the bed and touched his cheek and dragged my finger right down to the jaw.

"Byakuya-sama, thank you."

He placed his arm around my neck and pulled me in so I was resting on his chest. At first I yelped at his action and prepared myself, but...He didn't even try pulling any kimonos or obis off but just wrapped the blanket around us and he then closed his eyes. I smiled. He wasn't the type to start "going" anywhere on the first day, nor did he seem like a person who would try to create heirs without warning. I buried my face in his kimono and let my eyelids droop down.

"Byakuya...sama, I love you."

He was already asleep.

--

A week after our marriage, Byakuya-sama was speaking with Yama-jii about something concerning me. Every time I passed his headquarters, I wanted to take a peek at what they were doing, but the door was always closed and the vice-captain would look at me suspiciously. Finally after some time, my husband came out and walked to me. He held a parchment and gave it to me.

"Byakuya-sama, what were you doing with Yama-jii?"

"Another request, you should read the paper."

"Okay, let's see. Dear Kuchiki Hisana, recently, Kuchiki Byakuya has requested an exception of duty from you and he has requested your removal from the Gotei 13. In this, you are released from 4th division and you will have the decision in whether you will keep your zanpaktou or not, but it is recommended that we receive it back. Your uniform must be returned though. Along with your removal of the Gotei 13, no punishment will ensue and you may continue on with living in Seireitei and communicating with the members of Gotei 13 and the Mobile Corps and Correction Officers. If you approve of these terms, sign below."

"I hope that is okay with you."

"Byakuya-sama, why do you want me to leave the Gotei 13?"

"I told you before our proposal that you needed more time to search for your sister. Your job infringes with your search so I thought it would e better if you quit. It's your decision if you sign or not," he told me.

"Let's see...I"

I read the paper again. I could still talk with Unohana-sama and visit them and I could keep my zanpaktou too. It was hard, I didn't know why, to choose because a part of me wanted to search for Rukia and another part of me...the selfish part wanted to stay with my 4th division family. I told myself that changed. Byakuya is my husband now and I'm going to find Rukia. I had to make a real family of my own.

"Thank you for going through the trouble. I'll sign it."

With a small brush I scribbled down my name on the line and smiled at Byakuya-sama. He rolled it up and tucked it into his kimono, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"I hope that...Byakuya-sama, you could still help me without quitting your division. Everyone says you're going to be a well-known shinigami someday and well you are now. I don't want to end your reputation because of me...maybe."

Darn that selfish part of me. That part, the piece of my soul wanted Byakuya to quit his squad and join me in my search. I shook my head and looked away.

"Don't quit Byakuya-sama."

"Alright."

--

It was true, my search expanded and I could go deep into Rukongai without worrying about getting back to Unohana-taichou. Honestly, I pleaded to Byakuya to help me whenever he could and in result, he had to lose his lunch break and search with me after the sun dropped from the sky. I tried to make up for it by asking him if he wanted to go back home, but he said he would rather keep me company.

"I'm sorry for being so selfish of my own needs when you need your sleep."

"It's alright, finding your sister is more important than anything else to you right now, so I'll help."

"No, Byakuya-sama...I'm truly sorry, for being so weak."

"Don't say those things. You'll remind me of Rena's complaining."

So I tried not to tell him to go back to Seireitei. I thought that maybe, with his rising rank, he'll start to have more work hence making him to busy to search. This was true. As he rose higher in his division, he began to come with me less and less. I tried to smile at this, but inside I wanted to selfishly take him back with me. I felt selfish, I felt like he had to go with me, but I stopped myself from thinking these things.

--

Byakuya-sama was scheduled to fight a new and strange hollow that appeared in the real world. They called it the "Grand Fisher". The Grand Fisher was a new hollow that killed already three shinigamis who tried to kill it. They said it uses your own weaknesses against you and manipulates your mind.

"Byakuya-sama, you have to be careful. I can't be a widow in my first years with you."

"You just take care of yourself, Hisana. I know you are starting to have a cough," he scolded me.

"That's nothing compared to a shinigami-killing hollow. You should research more about that thing."

"There hasn't been many reports of the people who fought it. Those who stayed in the battle long enough know what it can do, but they would die. Those that can report something don't fight it enough to get any good info. I just have to test my luck Hisana..."

Since he was so much taller than me, he had to bend down a bit until my lips could reach his cheek.

"Don't die, I'm depending on you."

He nodded and jumped out of the 13th division headquarters. A gate stood in front of him and he went inside, looking back as he did. I waved goodbye and clutched the collar of my kimono.

"Please be safe." I had a coughing fit afterwards and wiped a sweat-drop off my forehead.

--

That night, Byakuya-sama came back with the help of some shinigamis. He was bloody and had a huge wound in his stomach. Blood dripped from his head and arms, making a trail that led up to his fingertips. Drops fell from his hands and landed on the floorboards below. I went to 4th division and helped the captain heal his wounds. His bloody hand clutched mine and his blood slowly dripped from my fingernails.

"Byakuya...sama...!" I choked. He was grinding his teeth and he looked at me sadly.

"Hisana, it's you."

"You're making me worry...Byakuya-sama, don't...don't die!"

Unohana-taichou gave me a face to tell me to stop worrying. I looked at his arm wound and started to wipe up the blood with a towel and I followed by healing that section by myself. Not being a shinigami didn't mean I couldn't heal so without bothering the others, I healed that one arm so that I knew I was helping.

--

"Byakuya-sama."

He was treated and was sent to the relief center. The wounds were bad, but the shinigamis saved him in time to repair the wounds. I held his hand and with my other hand, used my fingers to rub the back of it.

"You scared me."

"I wouldn't die so easily, Hisana."

"Still..." I coughed. "I worried. That Grand Fisher, what did he do to you?"

"He...we were fighting in an abandoned suburban area and at first I thought I was going to finish him easily. He gave me some wounds, but when I was about to finish him off, his "bait" transformed into...I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"...someone I couldn't cut."

"Was it me...?"

He nodded and sighed.

"You couldn't cut him, could you...?"

"No, I couldn't, but I was able to hurt him badly so he attacked slow. My division, they saved me before we could do anything with each other. I'm sorry Hisana. Because I was so foolish into thinking that was you, I didn't' finish him. I got beat by that damn hairy thing instead."

"You didn't get beat, Byakuya-sama. You lived. Thank you..." I cried silently. "You didn't die like the rest."

I pulled myself close to him and held onto his sleeve. He didn't die...I told myself, he didn't leave me here to rot... I smiled at him and rested with him like a good wife should. I had to keep him company so he'll do the same.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10.

Byakuya was doing work in his office and I was peering at him through the window. Ukitake-taichou said that soon, he'll recommend Byakuya-sama to be a captain of his own squad. All that was left was to get the recommendations of two more captains and the approval of most of the others. I was proud of him and as a reward I made him his favorite spicy noodles. I wondered what it was like being a captain with a whole squad walking behind your shadow. Master Kuchiki entered and bowed to Byakuya-sama. They were talking quietly amongst themselves so I didn't bother to try to make out their words. I sat by the river surrounded by the rocks and twirled the water with my fingers, scaring the fish that past. It's been three years since we married. Three beautiful years. The fish jumped and splashed me with water. I fell over and landed on my knees, getting mud all over my kimono and shawl. I laughed and looked out into the sunset. How...beautiful. I heard Byakuya walking behind me. I didn't look over, but I knew he stopped to look at me. I smiled and turned around.

"Byakuya-sama?"

"You should get cleaned." He went over and picked me up by the arm and put his hand under my elbow.

"Master Kuchiki was talking to you. What was it about?" I asked.

"Our future."

"Future? What do you mean by that?"

He was silent, but I felt uneasiness pass over us. I think I knew what Master Kuchiki wanted from Byakuya and me.

"He wants me to create an heir."

I blushed as we entered the washroom. He helped me remove the shawl and slipped out of the room as a maid gave me a new set of clothing. I was thinking...it was true that Byakuya needed an heir, but I felt nervous about having to...do things I've never done before. We hugged, and kissed and I even felt his bare chest once, but we haven't gone far and honestly, I felt uncomfortable. The maid tied my obi together and left the room after bowing to me.

"Hisana, are you alright?"

I nodded and gave him a nervous laugh. "Honestly, I feel uncomfortable," I said. "I don't think I'm ready just yet. Please understand that Byakuya-sama."

He gave me a strange look and shook his head. "I can wait Hisana. It doesn't matter if it's today or tomorrow. What matters is that we are..."

"Togther." I ended his sentence. "Thank you for waiting Byakuya-sama."

We walked along the corridor with his hand under mine. I knew that he wanted to ensure an heir early, but I couldn't do it. I was selfish I guess for my own wants. Byakuya accepted my request out of his love and kindness to me. I really had to depend on him for everything.

--

As the days passed, I searched for Rukia night and day, wishing that I would find her. I usually come back tired after searching and I would fall into Byakuya's arms as he laid me down to sleep. It was like this every single day. I would search until my legs gave in to the fatigue. One day I was coming back from my search when I suddenly fell. I was getting weaker as the days passed and my weariness increased. I didn't know how long I laid there on the floorboards, but I felt two strong hands pick me up. I opened my eyes and smiled at Byakuya-sama whose face was sad. His eyebrows were fixed and tense; eyes filled with worry.

"Hisana."

"I'm alright, dear. I'm sorry for making you worry. I..." I felt my throat burn and I started to cough. He rubbed my throat and my coughing stopped. Byakuya was too good for me. I touched his kenseikan and weakly smiled.

"I'm going to continue searching tomorrow Byakuya-sama. I know I'll find her somehow. Just watch."

He didn't say a word, but just nodded and he carried me to the bed. He pulled the blankets over me and felt my forehead.

"The doctor said you should rest Hisana. You shouldn't be going outside day and night like this," he told me.

"But, she's somewhere. I could feel it. Somewhere in Rukongai...she's alive...we..."

He kissed my forehead and left, closing the door. I stayed silent and rolled over to my side. I was getting worse I guess. My coughs were more irritating to my throat and I couldn't raise my arm out straight for more than half a minute. It was nothing I told myself. It was nothing at all.

--

Unohana-taichou proved to be a very good healer. I thought that maybe if I went to her, she could find out what was wrong with me. She was sitting outside with a cup of tea and staring out into the unknown.

"Hisana-san, please sit down."

I sat down next to her and coughed a bit. After a long pause I asked her what was wrong with me.

"Hisana, from the looks of it, you might be having a slight fever." She put her palm on my forehead. "You seem to have all the symptoms, but I feel that this one is quite strange. When you were asleep, Byakuya-sama asked me to try healing you, but it was strange how I could heal you, but it would return some hours later." I felt a glow on my head and suddenly, my coughing ceased and I felt my throat drop into a cool sea.

"It's gone," I whispered.

She sighed and looked at me. "Probably an hour later, the coughing will return. I do not know what's wrong with you, but this sickness..." She paused. "…could be fatal."

My eyes widened as she got up from her seat. "It's only a chance, Hisana-san. For now, I can only hope it will go away on its own. In the meantime, try to stay in bed. Your husband tells me that you've been going in and out constantly."

"Oh...I guess I should rest for an hour or two."

"Hisana, if you want to get better, I suggest you stay in bed until the sickness is over. All this activity may be hurting your body." She walked away and waved her hand. I sighed and returned back to the mansion with a worried Byakuya at the door.

--

I admitted I didn't obey Unohana-taichou's orders. Everyday I continued to search Rukongai. I would walk, then sit and then continue, making my kimonos dirty and covered in grime. Byakuya-sama would scold me often and force me to go back in bed, but I would sneak out and keep searching. The days go too fast, I thought. The sun always sets when I'm close.

"Don't push yourself," I heard Byakuya-sama say as I left. "Come back when you're tried." He was getting ready to go on his own mission while I prepared myself for another day of searching. Fall was almost done and spring was approaching. The plum blossoms didn't bloom just yet. It was my fifth year with Byakuya-sama. I felt like my sickness was going away, but I wasn't sure. Byakuya placed a pink flowered shawl on my shoulders and rustled my hair with his hand and face.

"Don't fall again Hisana."

I nodded and left his office. I loved his signs of affection more than anything else and they made me happy. I would feel energized whenever I felt the digits of his fingers crawl across my cheek.

"Goodbye dear," I called as he left as well. I bowed to the Gate Guardian and he allowed me through the gate. All these years of crossing the gate made me familiar with the stalwart man. He was serious about his job, but he was also kind to the people he knew best.

"Thank you, Hikonyuutou-san. Sorry about the trouble."

"You say that every time, Mrs. Kuchiki. Please don't get dirty again. Byakuya-sama would get exasperated like always."

"Enjoy the start of spring!"

I waved goodbye and stepped into Inuzuri. I stretched and started to walk the path that I ended with. When I got really tired, I sat down by the empty crates in an alley and I would stare at the children. I saw a little girl trying to release her spirit energy. I got up and walked again, shaking my leg every now and then to break free of numbness. I sighed and went back to the gates when the sun started to set. It was no use today. I went inside the gate and saw the students of the academy hurry back inside the school.

"How nostalgic..." I whispered.

I saw a red haired boy playing with a cute smaller girl and a blonde boy. He seemed like he was boasting about something. He looked so strange with his unusual eyebrow tattoos. I laughed as he fell down from his own excitement.

"Byakuya-sama has been searching for you Hisana-sama."

"Oh, yes. I'll be going now."

I looked back and sighed. I felt a pain in my heart and almost collapsed. The messenger helped me up and escorted me to the mansion. Without a word, Byakuya-sama put me to bed and blew out the candle that lit the room.

"I'm sorry Byakuya-sama."

"It's alright."

I saw his figure leave the dark room and the quiet tap of the door sliding shut.

--

The blossoms are about to bloom, I thought. It's the start of spring and I feel very sick. Today, Byakuya-sama has his day off and I promised him to stay put today. I wished that my sickness would stop, but it looks like it'll keep going. I thought about Unohana's words...fatal. This could be fatal, but she said it was only a guess, so I needn't worry too much I hope. I got up and started walking outside. Unohana did say that it was bad for me to do too much activity, but she later added that it applied to Rukongai only because of the disease and the dust that blew constantly. She recommended that I walked in Seireitei.

"Good morning Hisana-sama."

"Oh, hello."

"Are you attending the sakura viewing festival tomorrow?"

"Oh, it depends if my condition is better. I'll talk to Byakuya-sama about it."

"You should really come! Kaien-sama said he'll do the Shiba family sake stunt. It's supposed to be very exciting."

"Oh, then I can't wait to see it," I laughed. I watched the woman leave and I clutched my heart. It was hurting more than ever. I walked to the front of the mansion and sat down right on the wooden floor. The pain went away after sitting so I got back up. Then, I felt it. A sharp pain went through my torso and exploded in my heart. I felt dizzy and I remember that I fell down right on the spot.

--

"Hisana...Hisana!"

I woke up to see Byakuya above me. I was lying down on a mat and a pillow was placed underneath me.

"What...? Byakuya-sama?"

"A servant found you lying on the floor unconscious. He didn't dare pick you up himself so he put a pillow and blankets here. Are you alright?"

"I'm...I couldn't lie to him anymore. I'm not okay..."

"You shouldn't be writing in your journal right now. Put that thing away."

I looked down at you, my journal. Everything that passed me by, I put in this journal. You, you are the collection of my memories.

"I must keep writing Byakuya-sama. This book...you said you wanted to read it didn't you?"

Yes, he told me.

"Then it must have an ending...even journals must have endings."

I looked at him and then at myself. I looked so pathetic here, breathing and grasping life by the strings. I felt so very tired and I really wanted to close my eyes. Byakuya picked up my hand and hovered over me. He put down his headdress and I could see his hair dangle over his handsome face. Rukia...it looks like I couldn't find her myself after all.

"...Byakuya-sama, please find my sister. But when you do, please don't let her know that I am her sister." I paused and cringed at the pain in my chest.

"It affects your body. Don't say anymore." He said.

"No, I have to. Without revealing anything, please protect my sister, with your strength, Byakuya-sama. I deserted my own sister."

"Hisana..."

"I have no right to be called her older sister. For that reason, I wanted her to be able to call you her older brother."

I was starting to tear up. Tears hung in my eyes and I blinked through the blurriness.

"Look, only one has bloomed." He looked back at the small blossom on the tree.

"I'm sorry for being so dependent on you even in the end...I'm sorry for not being able to return the love that you've given me whole-heartedly. The five years in which I spent with you, were like a dream come true... Byakuya-sama."

I felt my arm get even more and more tired. The tears fell down my cheeks as I tried to smile. He was...was he? A single tear rolled down his face and dropped to the ground. I felt my heart giving in. I felt the hands of death welcome me and I saw the warm light. It felt...nice. This light was coming to me. I closed my eyes and saw what I saw last, his face, his wonderful face...

What I said was true and would always be true in this life and the next. These five years I've spent with you, Byakuya-sama...

…were like a passing dream.


End file.
